I remember when my ex and I broke up, I was so sure that I would remain single. Being single these days is a nightmare... You can't just go to the pub, get drunk, and have a convo. You gotta be on 20 different dating apps, be pretty good at photoshopping, talk online for ages and be willing to risk after all that texting before you meet, then when you finally meet you'll just be the next chick this guy is gonna "pork" until the next time he swipes right. On top of that, I convinced myself - who on earth would want to date a single mum of two kids...
Well, there was one guy out there crazy and stupid enough to give it a good crack... It's one thing to be on a journey of self-discovery, especially when you are fighting your way through your bullshit emotions thinking you have failed...because you failed your marriage. It's another when you start believing in yourself, truly believing in yourself and then poof, this person is there in your life backing you, supporting you, encouraging you... believing in you.
So this crazy, stupid guy did exactly that. I was hesitant, I stalled, I pushed back, but I could never let him go... imagining him not around - just didn't feel right. I was such an asshole, I would only see him once a week and he wasn't allowed to come to my place any earlier than 7pm (on that one day), as the girl's bedtime was 7.30pm. It was just enough time for them to get to know him bit by bit. I wasn't about to be someone who had different men in and out of my life in front of my kids... It took months before I trusted him enough to even meet my girls... Let alone hang out with him all the time...
As all my pieces slowly started to come back together, he waited, he stayed... He didn't push back, he didn't hesitate and he didn't stall. He patiently rode the wave of my utter bullshit, because I was terrified of getting it wrong again... He made me feel beautiful, special, smart... to the point that I actually believed it, I believed deep within myself I was all those things... Holy Shit!! Is this what a real relationship is actually supposed to be like!
Don't get me wrong, he drives me absolutely batshit crazy! And not everything is roses, and that goes for everyone... No relationship is 100% perfect... and if you think yours is 100% perfect all... the... time...girlfriend you are in for a rude shock cause your battle is coming, or you are just totally in a space of denial.
I have seen him at his worst, he has seen me at mine... Believe me, sometimes I wonder how the fuck we are actually still together... But it was through those times where we oddly communicated more, we backed each other and were always there for each other. We don't fight often at all, but we debate all the time... And when we do fight, it's like in the movie 300 - when the vastly outnumbered Spartans attempt to hold off the invading Persian Army... But never, do we ever go to bed angry with each other or still fighting... Every battle ends in peace, is over and never to be had again!
Today, I am so grateful for such an amazing partner, amazing step Dad and literally my best friend!
This one made me a little teary... I'm so freaking happy for you, ALL 4 of you! X
ReplyDeleteThank you so much lovely :) x
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