Invest in Rest!

Today's (Friday's - another late upload) gratitude is all about rest! Ok, let’s be serious here... It's not just today's gratitude, it literally is the whole week that has just flown before my eye's gratitude. 

I have found myself in this not so unusual space where I get sick...very sick. We can thank my health issues for that. Every now and then my body has a temper tantrum, just to remind me my health issues are there. So, when I find myself in these situations, I am super grateful for my amazing fam bam that support and help me get through it. I am also super grateful for our amazing Au Pair.

Zac, our Au Pair and my daughters all pitch in to do my usual jobs around the house so I can invest in some rest. And yes, I am a sook when I am sick with the flu, let alone when the serious shit pops up and say's G'day! Pretty sure they put me to bed and close the door, so they don't have to listen to my whining.

So, while I am moaning and groaning, wallowing in my pain in bed, I feel so blessed that everyone around the house helps me out, so I'll get better quicker. As a result, today, I have started to come good - which is just in time for me to do a big drive to Fundaberg for my little loves to spend the weekend with their Dad.

I finally feel rested and no longer feel like I have been hit by a bus - I have upgraded to feeling like I have been hit by a Mini. My eyeballs feel like they are going to explode so most of this week I have been hanging for home time, so I can flop myself on my bed. The last few days at work has been a serious struggle, especially with mind numbing work like mapping out access roads, I even struggled with the couple of day trips to various towns - the plane rides were hell... Pretty sure the people beside me didn't appreciate the wallowing, falling asleep, snoring and drool.

One thing my issues have taught me is always listening to your body, looking out for those signs and being more self-aware. If I didn't do this, I wouldn't rest or stop until shit would completely hit the fan, resulting in hospital visit and being bed ridden for a week.

So, here’s to trashy jim jams, comfy bed, cuddles from little loves and a much-needed investment into some shut eye!

Acres, not hours!

Today (more like  last Wednesday as a result of some health issues, this is a late upload... very late upload) I am super grateful for our farmers! Thanks to my job, I get the pleasure of going to various farms and having a good old yarn to farmers that are our neighbours.

This, most of the time, is one of my favourite things about my job. Hanging out in the middle of nowhere, having a chit-chat in the company of the locals, some cows and the occasional prized bull.

Now, I can't say that every visit is a pleasant visit, but what I can say is I totally get and understand our adjoining landowners frustrations. This is their livelihood, it's ours too. So yesterday, I was on site, visiting a landowner about an acquisitions deal I have been working on with them very closely.  On my way to their property, my heart sank.... over 10,000 acres of their cattle country had been severely impacted by a recent fire after a electrical storm - to top if off they are also impacted by one of the worst droughts they have had in years.

Yep, peeps... these aren't the farms you see on T.V. for commercials with the perfect manicured green grass with a fat cow happily mooing or the farms the Politicians visit... These farms are reality... Hearing them talk about the struggle, how if they don't get rain soon they won't survive, the lack of support that they receive, the tax implications suffered at the hands of the government with the recent 'five for a farmer' fundraiser and the knowledge that the government will fork out water to a mining company for free or limited fees, but wont support the people that supply the fresh produce and meat that we consume daily. 

So as we walked and talked through their property, you could hear the crunch of the dry lifeless grass from under your boots, the struggle in their voice, and the heat that was so intense it was sucking your soul - my heart broke. I am so grateful, and even more grateful that what I was before - for all the struggle, defeat at the hands of mother nature, lack of support and ridiculously hard work our rural farmers put in day in and day out to provide what they do for our greater community.

The day I chose the 2-year-old tantrum!

After the last 24 hours, I would have to say I am grateful for support from an amazing network of family and my peeps, and readers.

The last 24 hours to say the least have been interesting. I received a very negative and inappropriate form of feedback on my post regarding my eldest daughter and our cheerleading commitment… I am gonna call it our commitment given that Zac and I work out in our gym with her every night to support her goals, pick her up and drop her off to every lesson and every competition, do her hair an make up for every competition and pay the ridiculously expensive fees for every lesson (on our own by the way), including supporting her request for an additional skill-building classes.   Now does that sound like I am a woman on a mission or what!

Over my time, I have had a lot of negative, soul-sucking parasites in my life. I have gone out of my way to ensure I do not associate myself with any of them.  As a result of removing those people from my life and only keeping those souls lifting, committed, happy, supportive people in my life – my life has been bliss… Granted you’re literally only human so sometimes as a human, we let the shit creep in. We aren’t robots, we have feelings – and given that, we choose how we want to feel and react to people and the situations we face.

Now, I know I don’t have to justify my life, or explain the level of commitment I have to my Children. Let me rephrase that – the level of commitment that Zac and I have for our children. So of course, I lost my absolute shit, when I receive the utter bullshit I was sent advising me that I am lying about what we do for our kids, that I am taking away the commitment and dedication away from the kid’s real parents (assuming they are referring to my ex-husband and his partner, which my kids don’t live with – but visit).

I am not going to lie – I believed at a point in time, that putting up an epic rant about my commitment to my kids on my personal Facebook page was the most appropriate thing to do. Fuck acting like an adult, right? At that time, I wanted to be that 2-year-old throwing a tantrum in the shopping centre and boy did I do a good job of it.

So, after some amazing support, kind words and token BFF statements like 'screw that stranger, they no nothing' or 'they have no idea what you and Zac do day in and day out for the girls'. I decided to take my post down, stop acting like a 2-year-old and letting the person get to me. Why should I? One of my beautiful friends said to me, people only conduct themselves like this for two reasons: 1. They are miserable and jealous and want other people to feel miserable. And, 2. Because of their lack of commitment and understanding, in an attempt to make themselves feel better they will try and control how people see you. BOOM!

In an instant a weight was lifted from my shoulders – of course, those who don’t know will never speak the truth, those who do know will be waiting, if you have to go to battle – backing you. Those who know and are ashamed will try shift how you are perceived.

So although my first choice of how I wanted to feel about the situation was initially not the greatest, I am so grateful for my support network, who reminded me of my genuine focus.  Who reminded me of the amazing things we do, and the choice I have to understand that these are not feelings I choose to feel, that I am happy and I genuinely feel sorry for the person who went out of their way to create misery which on the basis of misconceptions they believe.

Ok Monday, let’s do this shit!

Well hello, Monday you fine thing! It’s been a long time since I have dreaded a Monday… I believe this is because I am content with the balance of my life… Or, I need to be sent to the looney bin!

This weekend has been so full on and busy: Cheerleading, dinner and lunch dates with the loves, beach hangs, the movies, and then just general chilling out (not a lot of doing nothing happened on the weekend)… This pretty much, save for the cheerleading, sums up our weekends… Bliss!

Anyway, today I am grateful for train rides… Oh yes, those large sardine tins that move elegantly through the back streets from my house to where I work.  I am grateful because of the full-on weekends, I get an extra 1 ½ hours of Uni studies every single day… WHAT!!! Love it... Yeah, even more, creepy that I love Uni…right?! OH, I also love the moving sardine tin because it saves me from participating in excessive road rage when being stuck in peak hour traffic.

It’s like this great surprise… One minute I feel overwhelmed because I think I am behind and then by the end of 1 day, I have caught up and livin’ on cloud 9. I am super proud of myself for the commitment I have made for something I love… And, I honestly believe this display of my commitment, has influenced the girls on their commitment to things they love or believe in. I always work hard for the things I love and believe in… I even work hard for things I believe in, but, I seriously don’t love…hate would be the more appropriate word – but hey, you do what you gotta do for the greater good right?

So, thanks to this fine ass Monday, my ritual morning train ride and my creepy ass love for learning, I have Administrative Law by the balls! I have no doubt in my mind I will pass with flying colours like every other form of study or unit for my law degree I have undertaken… I love learning, a total nerd and I know it… Don’t let me tough stickers deceive you. I am all sorts of nerd on the inside!

Time, waste it wisely!

It’s amazing how sometimes life gets away from you… Can you believe that it is almost Christmas already? It honestly didn’t feel like long ago, when I greeted the new year in Vietnam.

So, with time slipping away, I realised that it has been ages since I hung out with my elder brother and his wife. There was always something… So now we find ourselves so close to Christmas and a big distance between us, yet we literally live a few blocks away from each other. Pretty sad ha?

This Sunday I am grateful for morning family fun days, and finally getting to hang out with my big bro and his wife. It was such a beautiful day, even with the occasional shower here and there. We hung out at the beach for most of the morning, with an amazing sausage sizzle cooked by yours truly… Yeah ok, I suck at BBQ cooking – better give the credit where it is due – so cooked by Chef extraordinaire Zac. The kids swam and then when cold got extra warm cuddles from their Uncle and Aunty.

I have so much love for my brother…even though he is annoying as hell, just like I annoy the living shit out of him. I couldn’t ask for a better brother. He supported me and stuck by me at my worst. Even went so far as being one of the big reasons why my life is the way it is today.  A long time ago I hit rock bottom. Pre-marriage, pre-kids, pre-meeting my ex-husband. I lost my way... badly… and there he was, doing a special trip to Bundy – took me out and put it straight. He gave me a choice to come willingly to Brisbane to get out of the world I was spiralling into, or he would make me move. I have never forgotten that day, and never will. I honestly would not be on this earth if it wasn’t for that chat.  I don’t think I have ever openly told him: thank you for saving my life… I know he knows, and I should probably say thank you more often than what I do. But, I do tell everyone else in the world that story all the time.

His wife is perfect for him, I honestly believe they are the perfect match, and I am so proud to call her my sister.  The joy she has brought into his world is all I could have ever hoped for,  for him. He has always been such a nice guy – such a caring guy.

I have some many amazing, funny, crazy, drunk teenager memories with my brother and many more amazing, funny, crazy, drunk adult memories to come…

Live your life - full out!

What an amazing Saturday it has been.

And with that, today I am grateful for being a Cheer Mum... Yep, if you know me well, you would know that hair and makeup is not my forte. Therefore, I would epically fail at being a Dance or Cheer Mum... But hey, I have set myself a goal, and totally smashed it... I am seriously thinking of quitting property and law and getting into the hair and makeup biz... Alright, I confess, I still suck at putting makeup on myself.

Miss Mia had her second cheer competition for the year! And, her and her team has placed second in their division! PROUD! Both little loves have been committed to their love for Cheerleading, with Havanah attending every single recreational cheer class so she can do competitive cheer like her big sissy next year. And then there is Mia, she has been that obsessive kind of dedicated... Between Zac and I, we have trained almost every night in our gym with her. She sets herself countless goals and we get in there with her, work out with her and help her achieve them. She does smash them by the way...totally gets that from me.

I remember when she came home from Cheer the other week buzzing with excitement about their new routine for the comp. 'Mum we did the full out for our new routine and smashed it' this was obviously said in a high pitched overexcited little ladies voice. Oh and a full out for the non-cheer knowledgeable people reading this is the first time they perform their routine from start to finish in front of the other kids at their cheerleading school. I am totally getting the hang of this Cheer Mum shit! Even learning all the terminology - you wanna know just come see me... Ok, maybe wait till next year to ask me any questions.

Right, back to the point... So all her hard work over the last 12 months has paid off... Babycakes did so well.  I, of course, screamed out 'Go Mia' when it was all quiet before they were about to start... I am pretty sure she was really grateful she couldn't see me at the top of the grandstand waving my arms around like crazy cheering her on.

Proud is an understatement, and I am looking forward to the commitment and dedication next year... At the rate I am going with all this cheer training with the girls, I will be a pro! Thanks, Mia! Could I still be a pro, if I couldn't cheer accurately to save my life... Let's just go with a yes for now.

Collecting moments, not things!

Today, I am grateful for change, my morals and lifestyle. You see, I used to be a very materialistic person. It was all about, how much my clothes cost, my ridiculously expensive handbag collection, my shoe collection (hey I am half Filipino, it's in my genes to have a large shoe collection), the car I drove, the phone I had. We seriously could go on forever about how shallow I was about materialistic things.

I always dreamed of being a lawyer - hey 33 years in the making, considering I am actually studying law now. I also always dreamed of having a sports cars, a big mansion, with a bedroom just for my shoes.

Boy oh boy, times have changed. You see, many years ago,  when things went south with that ex-hubby of mine, I had nothing. I moved into my brother's house... Ok, more like his garage, just with our clothes. I had to buy new beds for us with the limited money I had, but after that I had nothing. I saved up, brought everything second hand and managed to get my fridge my dad brought me and a buffet unit back from my ex-husband...

That was it, just the girls, our second-hand furniture, no money and determination pushing me through. I was adamant that I was going to show my girls, that no matter what, you can achieve anything you put your mind to. I worked full-time, I committed my spare time 100% to my girls, I paid my bills and then started studying law part-time. I would never study while they were awake, I would always wait till they went to bed and the stayed up for hours studying... I still do this...I seriously will be 100 by the time I finish my law degree.

I made a name for myself in the Property industry and bam, here I am in an amazing job, doing what I love earning the 'coin'. However, I don't spend the money like I originally thought I always wanted to. I have an ordinary house - even though I could have bigger.  I have an ordinary car - even though I could have better. I have ordinary clothes - even though I could have high end. I have ordinary furniture - even though I could have designer. My shift has changed...

Instead of having all those fancy things I always "desired", I have amazing memories and more memories to come. As a result of this outlook for the last few years, the little loves feel the same. They don't want the extravagant, why should you - they say, you can't bring it with you when you die. But what you can do, is live a life full of opportunity, full of memories, full of experiences, full of laughter, full of adventure, full of love - now that is a life worth living.

That my friends - is my life and we all love it!

It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas!

Today has no doubtable been an absolutely full on day. It's always good, well I love it - the busier you are the quicker time flies. 

So between work and my health today flew before my eyes... and then, let the excitement begin!

SCHOOL CHRISTMAS CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!! (screamed in two adorable little ladies voices).

Yep, it is Christmas time here at the girl's school! Boy, was it the absolute best! I remember a time where we never were able to make these things... Now, all that hard work over the years has paid off and I don't miss a thing!

The Christmas decorations and outfits were out in full force, with the old and the young all giving it a good bash... Nothing could beat the smile on all the little faces... All 300 hundred odd. I am pretty sure as soon as we arrived, they ran off to their friends, compared outfits, run around, threw in a couple of cartwheels and then enjoyed some tasty food from the food trucks on site. 

The stage looked awesome, and so did the gorgeous little Preppy's that got on the stage, all nervous but full of excitement belting out Silent Night at the top of their lungs. 

Then the MC announces that it's the grades 1's turn to show the parents and teachers their best Christmas singing voices. Immediately Havanah got up, jumping up and down, waving her arms around like crazy to ensure without a doubt we could see her. The excitement and joy on her face this year was so much better than last year... Pretty sure it is because she wasn't as nervous since she has done it once before. 

A few more grades go by, and then MC announces grade 3's... Oh, the smile on that kids face, the fun she had, the joy it made Zac, myself and their Au Pair Evie feel. A little more conservative, she didn't jump up and down like a monkey... She just smiled, waved, smiled again, giggled with her friends when Zac and I waved back like the dorky proud parents we are and then belted out her Christmasy tune!

Such a magical night, under the stars, listening to 300 children singing completely off key, not in time with each other and all distracted by waving at their parents!

Wake, be awesome, sleep, repeat!

Today - Wednesday, I am grateful for our routine.

Today was the first day, after being away, where Zac and I, after we tucked the girls in bed got to spend some proper time together.

Back to our routine... Dinner with the kids, chats, board games and chilling watching a show together, and then kids go to bed. Then it's our time, and we both get our gym gear on and head into our home gym. I remember a time where I used to hate working out in front of him. I would get all embarrassed. Now, I hate going into the gym without him.

I love that after our work out when we are cooling down, I'll do my uni - he will play PS4 (I am really not a fan of the PS4, I could almost run over it sometimes). He does it so I am not distracted, because I actually hate the PS4. But, he knows that I will focus on my Uni, if he is on it because I hate the PS4 and won't talk to him when he is playing it. Win, win situation...I guess... Did I tell you I hate the PS4, just wasn't sure if you picked up on that vibe...

I love how we prioritise our time. You could be anywhere, doing anything, working hard day in and day out. It's all about how you prioritise your time. Zac and I have our routine down to a T. And, so do the girls - in saying that, our world does not end if a spanner is thrown into the works or if we have a brake. We all just go with the flow, find our feet and then end up back in a schedule that works for all of us.

Safe to say, everyone was happy to go back to normal.

It's so good to be home!

There is nothing in this world that I could be more grateful for today (being Tuesday) than the view of Brisbane from the air knowing that I am minutes away from being home.

I don't do long stints away from home, but towards the end of this year, I have and will be going away a little more than normal, for 2-3 days at a time. Now, as I have mentioned before, I truly love the job I have and the industry I am working in. However, I really do miss my family and home when I am away.

Today, I am bound for home... I am super excited like I always get excited. I always book a window seat on my way home... Actually, I book a window seat every single time... But by far an f'n must on my way home.

One of my many favourite things on the way home is the view from the top as we approach Brisbane... I will never get sick of that view... I see it and it's that instant sigh feeling like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders... I instantly relax... Well kind of, ok so I am relaxed and at the same time freaking quietly out about landing... I fly a lot, but that landing shit gets me every time!

And then a massive wave of excitement comes over me... the closer I get, the more excited I get. That feeling of knowing that in a matter of minutes I am going to see my big and little loves and have my face covered in their kisses and my arms wrapped around all of them.

Adios! The fasten seatbelt light has been turned on by my captain and we are now preparing for our decent... Time to pack up this bad boy, hold on for dear life as we land. And then, go score me some much-needed hugs and kisses!

All the great speakers were bad at first!

Today, being Monday I am grateful for moving my own personal mountains, conquering my fears and owning public speaking. 

Since late Sunday afternoon, I have been in regional North Queensland for work, in preparation of my second and many to come training session around Land Access. Today, I felt comfortable...so comfortable I didn't even have to try and imagine the audience being naked... 

I didn't stumble on my words, the content just flowed out of my mouth just as gracefully as the f-boms, shits and mates flowed.  My audience was engaged and interacted throughout the training not just at the end of the training session...when I force them to talk to me to discuss their constraints...

I have always hated public speaking... It definitely wasn't one of my strong points in High School...ok, ok, I was reeeealy bad!  My hands would always shake uncontrollably, which sucks when you had to try and read from palm cards... I would stumble on my words, I'd forget what I was talking about and make up some complete utter bullshit on the spot... So, I always avoid it... I literally run for the hills avoid it. 

So when I pushed to be the face of the training, a part of me inside was screaming WTF Karen! What are you thinking! You hate public speaking! Shut Up! Put that hand down now biatch! But I know that nothing exciting happens when you stay inside your comfort zone.

So here I am out of my comfort zone, travelling around North Queensland, killing goals and annoying the shit out of a bunch of field staff about Land Access!

Shhh... the fam bam is sleeping!

Oh what an amazing Sunday we have had.

So the dust, glitter and 1 million glowsticks have been cleaned up from Saturday nights amazing BBQ with the crew. Boy, it just an amazing chilled night, kids had a ball and painted our back patio into a rainbow, the adults had fun and stuffed themselves with good food, drinks and hilarious conversations. It was safe to say this morning all big loves and little loves were buggered... Cause we all slept in.

Today, as you could probably already tell, I am super grateful for a sleep in. So, so, soooo grateful for this sleep in. The best part about it: it was everyone... I didn't semi wake up to the pitter patter of little footprints running down the hall, across the kitchen/dining area, past the mini family room into the media room to watch reruns of UK's best x-Factor moments or epic fails.

Nope, not today...it was silent. It was amazing!

It was clean yesterday - sorry you missed it!

So, in between the constant cooking and cleaning - I thought I would bash out a quick gratitude post for today... Today, I am super grateful for a messy house... Or just mess in general. Yes, this is another one of those moments where I have completely lost the plot. But I have only lost the plot for today... Any other day, I definitely will not be grateful for the mess.

Why the mess you may ask? Because the mess I am grateful for today is a result of a lot of cooking in preparation for some of my favourite peeps to come over for a family BBQ dinner and drinks... This has been organised for months...

I am stressed that everything won't be done on time, that the food isn't good enough, that I still have food in my hair and the house looks like it has been hit by a tornado. I love having people over and entertaining... I am just not sure everyone else in the house does... I always stress out...

But I know, tonight will be great... Because of the people, our family will be spending time with...

Our best critic, yet our strongest supporter!

Today I am grateful for my mother... You know, the little old Filio lady I was talking about in my Dad's post.

Despite her honestly stereotypical Filipino mother personality... She is pretty amazing. She is always making herself available to help out with my little babes in-between Au Pairs. She cooks amazing food...most I cannot eat - thanks food allergies! And, she loves us all unconditionally - she has a super soft spot for her future son-in-law Zac... Actually, they have a great relationship - it's so beautiful to see.

One of the things I love the most about her is when I call her. I don't call her for my voice of reason - as advised before that is my Dad's area of expertise... There is a very good reason for that... You see my mother hates everyone... almost... so if I am after a vent and one-sided opinion where she is clearly on team 'Karen' she is my go to... I rarely take her advice, but I always listen to what she has to say. It's actually interesting to see things from the other side of the table - the bitter angry side.

I love how she swears... I remember calling her complaining about my ex-husband... as we ex-wives do from time to time... and, I am 100% confident we have all done this at some point in our life... ex-wife or ex-husband, ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend...whatever your circumstance is or what part of the story you play...come on now, you know you have. Anyway, back to her swearing... I was so livid, which my Dad strongly believed I had every right to be... But, I just wanted to be angry for 5 minutes. I didn't want to be understanding, I didn't want to care about my morals. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and drop a fair few F-bombs... So, I called her, I complained and she swore... Now imagine the next sentence being said in a little old Asain lady's voice: 'Daling... Don't worry bout the phucking idiot! He phucking silly... phucking idiot' Despite what she said not being the nicest thing anyone could say... I honestly couldn't be angry anymore. I wet myself with laughter...

Despite the trouble, and it was a lot of trouble,  I caused this lady growing up she still backs me (most of the time)...I never really showed her growing up - how much I actually appreciated her... Oh yes, I was one of those rebellious teenage girls. Never to my Dad, but always to my mum... I just couldn't be the Filippino she wanted me to be... Sorry, Ma! Poor lady... To this day, I call her once a week to apologise for all the horrible shit I did as a teenager - in hopes that karma doesn't bite me on the ass now that I have two girls.  I am pretty sure she is cool with all the shit now, only because I have two girls and karma probably will bite me fair on the ass.

I am forever grateful, for such an amazing mother - cultural barriers and all. Although, I didn't see it when I was younger and I may not always see it as an adult - she truly is a strong, independent woman. Her choices in life, her culture and her strong beliefs around the importance of family have moulded me into the young woman I am today.  With values and morals so heavily based around family, strength, drive and love.

Doing what I love!

Today, I am grateful for my job... Yep! I totally went there.

Most people, unfortunately, don't love or like their job, which to me is so unfortunate... Regardless if you work for yourself for someone else, you should be doing something you enjoy/love. I am one of those lucky suckers that actually love what they do... You know what they say, work in a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

Don't get me wrong, shit in the office isn't always peaches... And to be honest, what in life is peaches all the time? Could you imagine it? How is that actually living, not having shit hit the fan every now and then... You would never learn or grow. Life would be so boring, tedious and the same shit over and over..... and over again.

The company I work for also offers the most amazing work-life balance and the industry I work in offers the best on the field - in the office balance. One day I could be working from home in my jim-jams - doing the school pick up and drop off.  Or, I could be in the office in back to back meetings about so many different real estate related issues. And then, the next I could be rocking the PPE, talking to farmers in rural Queensland, inspecting culverts and hanging out with a herd of cows and the occasional prize bull.

I have a very analytical thought process, so my job keeps me busy from negotiating deals in a closed market or mitigating risk and I love it... creepy... I am successful in my field, thanks to my determination, my analytical abilities, and perseverance...

I am so grateful I believed in myself, I stayed determined when it was easier to give up, and that everything that has happened in my life has gotten me to where I am now - in a job I truly do love.

Self-love - the greatest middle finger!

Now that the Melbourne Cup dust has settled and today marks the end of flowing champagne, gorgeous people and amazing food... It also marks the beginning of a long fucking day, racoon eyes and a hangover that could wipe out a small country.  It's about time I put down the carbs and the drink and focus on some much-needed self-love.

So, here is a truth bomb for you... I haven't entirely honest with my Dr or myself in respect to doing what I am supposed to be doing... I have no one but myself to blame... The one thing I love about myself is I will never blame anyone else for my mistakes. So, it was only a matter of time before warnings would turn into fact.

So today, I am grateful for stepping up, being accountable for my actions and making a contract with myself to get my absolute shit together... I spent the day overindulging on everything I could get my hands on as a last hoorah. At lunch I dated the devil, and savoured every mouthful of the devilish carbonara, knowing this will be the last time I'll walk on the wild side. It was amazing!

I stumbled across a quote today that stated 'self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time'  - fuck yeah it is! When you love and invest in yourself, you set the marker for your tolerance, you set the scene for what you allow in... You are in control. You're saying a big fuck you to the stereotype, the negative and the outsider opinion. So to get my control back, I drafted a contract... Yep, I literally drafted a contract, with a term, conditions and remedies for failed provisions...and I have fully executed it... Yep! A contract with myself...for myself... It's a bloody good contract I must say, I think QCU should skip the formalities and just give me my law degree...

So watch this space, as I attempt to keep the hangry monster at bay and be my usual confident...ish, and now smokin' hot biatch self!

The co-parenting King!

What better way to celebrate gratitude, then being grateful for my Dad -The Co-parenting King! He also has many other superhero traits, but this is one of my favourites.

Why is he the King you may ask? Well, let me answer that for you...  He is the king because had to co-parent with my mother... A real Filio, little old (now) lady, with her Luis Viton bag, a shoe collection almost as big as mine (over 100 shoes), dollars signs in her eyes with the sparkle of the world being against her... Don't get me wrong, I love that lady - she helps me out with the girls, she loves them dearly and for the obvious reason that she is my mother.

So, if he can survive that, I am convinced he can survive anything! The standard that he set - ok, this co-parenting shit by far is a two-way street, so he can't have all the credit... So let me rephrase that... The standard that he worked so hard with my mother to set for my brother and I is absolutely incredible. They attended our weddings together (my brothers was overseas), they sit at the same table at every single event, they work together with everything including my girls now... They even spend 4 hours in a car to drive from Fundaberg (Bundaberg) to Brisbane to come to visit my brother and I and obviously the kids... AND, they obviously both come out of it alive... Alive, I say...

I have the most amazing relationship with my Dad! Without a doubt in my mind, he is my hero. He is the first person I go to when I have a problem and need advice. Especially about my co-parenting situation... Before I go off the handles about anything, I am open and honest about the facts (legal brain habit) and I call the old boy... It usually starts off like this 'can you tell me if I am acting like a bitch/crazy ex-wife/crazy in general' He always has a laugh at the statement and tells me to tell him what's going on... Now, this guy is gggooooddd.... And I adore him, so it is next to impossible for me to lie to him, and if I want his honest opinion, I tell him everything, read out messages, tell him how I snapped and acted like a bitch you name it... He never ever gives me an analysis of the facts and a brief summary of how he comes to his answer... And his answer is never long either... It's one of the two: 'princess you're being a bitch, settle down' or 'princess it's not right, but keep goings'. I hate it when it's the latter of the two... Because I know he is telling me to quietly stand my ground and put the girls first...

And yes, he still calls me, princess, no matter who is around, slightly embarrassing when I am with the General Counsel of a business I used to work for...

He is by far my favourite drinking buddy and has been for a very long time... Even kept up with him and all the old boys back in the day at their old local watering hole... He's an excellent singer - when everyone is drunk and the best air guitarist I have ever seen when Hotel California's guitar solo starts rolling out through the speakers. He without a doubt, always tells the same to jokes when he is drunk... It's your warning sign that he probably will pass out soon. And he has the biggest, kindest soul I have ever seen...

I still love his cuddles and just sitting there, hanging out while he has a beer doing his crossword puzzles, talking shit about crap he did when he was younger.

My absolute favourite thing is despite how old we both get... He still is the one person I always look up to and he still is the person I will always call first.

Stop faffing and get on with it!

So... Truth be told, and evidently, I am behind... Really behind... Not that I haven't written anything, I have a few posts sitting there from last week just dying to be posted.. However it just didn't seem right, not one bit, didn't even read as if it was written by me. Believe me, I had a shit tonne of things to be grateful for. But last week, I was defeated...

You see, the last week I had so many balls up in the air. Just waiting for those suckers to fall down all at once and hit me in the face. These are all work related, and actually, don't directly affect me at all. The company I am working for went through a restructure and some of my dearest friends were impacted. I was angry and bitter for them. I thought 'how could you, where is the sense in that decision'. Yep, I let that bitter shit into my world, bitterness that was not mine to entirely feel. I let the crap I am genuinely trying to focus less on, back in my space - little snakey shit!

Now, I could bang on about how they felt, how I felt, how sad I felt about not getting to see some of my dearest friends at work every day, now, having to wait for our ritual family BBQ/Funday events... But I am not going to do that... Because today, I am grateful for admitting defeat, putting my big girl jocks on, brushing my hair and starting again.

What's life without the occasional fuck up... right!? When it comes to work, I always acknowledge when I have done something wrong, I'll find it before you do and I'll admit it. Why? Because I believe if you don't, it puts limits on you. If you so deeply believe you are at the top and can make no mistakes, you get complacent, you stop learning, you think you know it all, you limit your room to grow, you get cocky and then become a Real Estate Agent or a Car Salesman (sorry to anyone out there reading that statement that falls in that category. It seriously does take a unique personality/special someone to successfully sells those things and it's all in your attitude).

As my fellow Asian friend said (ok, so he is famous and definitely not my friend)

So, if I don't admit defeat when it's necessary - like the last week for example... Then I am limiting my ability to be self-aware, give myself my time, grow and learn from my fuck up.  So as I reflect on last week, I know the situation really did bother me...so much so, although I had so many things to be grateful for, I wasn't 100% in it. I am so glad I recognised and admitted my defeat. So for now, I think I will leave my big girl jocks at home, instead, put on my combat boots, go commando and getting the hell on with it!