Share your story!

Tonight I am going to take you on a ride down Serious Lane. Today I am grateful for being open.

We all have a story to tell. You know the story of your past, the experiences you have endured that ultimately make you who you are today. No matter what your story is - one that is all sorts of fucked up, or one that is protected, innocent and safe - how we end up to where we are today is a direct result of choices we have made to define our story, tell our story and how we choose to continue to grow our story.

I, unfortunately, have not had the greatest story, I have experienced many things, most of you have not. I have experienced things, that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy... I would not wish upon anyone.

However, I can't change what has happened, but I can change how I tell my story, how I feel about my story and what I wish to do with it. As much as I wish I could take it away, that will not change the fact, that it is what it is. So instead, I am grateful for the lessons it taught me and the strengths that it provided me. Even when, I could have taken a path that we see so many take - which results in a form of addiction.

Now, I don't share this story with many people, however, tonight I did share it with someone special. I am grateful for who I opened up to, who I shared it with, and in that moment, how comfortable I was sharing.

Sometimes, it's important to share the struggle along with the good, so those that love you, can love you completely and understand you. I am so grateful, that my circle of people I can trust with my story is growing. Because everyone should be able to be open and tell their story...

Meaning, rather than Happiness!

Today I am grateful for having meaning in my life.

I recently listed to a TED talk about people's pursuit of happiness. It when on to say, chasing happiness and only happiness actually makes people unhappy. WTF? My thought's exactly. But I continued to listen to the video as I was intrigued. Apparently, studies showed that people experienced emptiness when they were only chasing happiness, but not because they had a lack of happiness but because they had a lack of meaning. MIND BLOWN right?

She continues to talk about the 4 pillars to having meaning in your life. This got me thinking about my life... Do I have the 4 pillars in my life? What in my life fit within the 4 pillars she discovered through her studies...  For your reference these bad boys are:

1. Belonging (valued for who you are and value others);
2. Purpose (less about what you want, but more about what you give);
3. Transcendence (being in the zone/losing a sense of time or place); and
4. Storytelling (the story you tell about yourself to yourself - how you became you).

And there it was, clear as day... when I sat down and asked myself questions based around each pillar, the answers were effortless. At the end of the activity, I felt happy and satisfied. To be honest, by the end of the TED Talk, and the little pillars activity I was relieved to know and feel that there is more to life than happiness. That you can enjoy all emotions, you don't have to be happy all the time, but can enjoy happiness as it comes in the moments you experience it. It was a relief to know, that having meaning in your life leads to a more fulfilled life and in turn, a happier life.

I was also chuffed to discover that I currently have belonging, with some very close friends and my family - that love me unconditionally for who I am and nurture who I am. Just as I love them for who they are and nurture who they are. That I have purpose which is to help people and to guide my children into strong, independent young woman. That I experience Transcendence when I work out with my fiancee. And that over the years, I have told my story, for every truth that it has, that I am grateful for my experiences that have turned me into who I am today - inclusive of some pretty horrible memories, but those memories gave me my resilience, my compassion and my understanding.

I don't think there could be anything more I could be grateful for today, then having that article shared with me (link below), for taking the time to ask myself some questions around the pillars, for recognising what are my pillars and for acknowledging how fulfilled and meaningful my life really is.

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_esfahani_smith_there_s_more_to_life_than_being_happy

All you need is.... New Shoes!

Oh dear Sunday, what a wonderful day being had by all in our little home.

The terrors are colouring in Christmas themed printables to the sound of Mariah Carey bashing out 'All I want for Christmas'. I used to LOVE that song, after this morning, this week, ok the last 2 weeks - not so much!

So today, besides the Christmas spirit blaring in the house, I am grateful for Zac generally putting up with my shit... More importantly, putting up with my absolute love and addiction for shoes... Hey, shoes are embedded in my culture - after all, I am half Filo and I am just following in the footsteps of my fellow Filo Imelda Marcos! Peace Babes!

So, this morning the dreaded conversation came up about my shoes! For some unknown reason, my delightful fiancee decided to tell me I have too many shoes... AND, that I don't wear them enough to justify having that many shoes. Having a legal thought process (occupational hazard), I was armed with my defence and believed I was ready for any type of shoe battle that may lie ahead.

In a huff, I was off with smoke steaming out of my ears and off to prove a point... Not sure what type of point I was trying to prove with my next step... But the story must go on. So back to the storming off, I grabbed almost every pair of shoes I own and put them in rows, and then the little loves started to help, and then we were still going... still going... just another ten more minutes... and now we are done... With 70 pairs of shoes, most I haven't worn - but fuck they are pretty. I even found shoes that I thought I gave away to charity... I realised this is probably a battle I am not going to win... Abort! Abort!

So, my defences were down, I was defeated, I had no argument. But, he just smiled, told me I had issues, told me to put them away, took a quick photo and jokingly threated an eBay sale (he has done this a lot - one-time shit got real and I went on a shoe wearing frenzy) and went on his merry way.

Left with just under half my collection to go, I decided to give up, I looked at the shoes and thought to myself - you go, girlfriend, boxing day sales are just around the corner - you can get two for the price of one... Yep, he is right - I do have issues, but at least, they are pretty issues.

And with that, I am so grateful he puts up with my shoe shit, that he loves me completely - baggage and all... In this instance, my baggage is full of shoes!

Decide, Commit, Focus, Succeed!

Today - being Saturday, I am grateful for focus.

Our littlest love has always been a go with the flow, happy go lucky, whatever goes, whatever whatever, I just wanna have fun, no commitment kind of kid. This is ridiculously refreshing, as our eldest love is a super organised, super committed, everything has to be perfect, slightly OCD kind of kid. I can not WAIT for the upcoming teenage years 'insert sarcasm'. It will be like a hormonal war zone, constant world war from every fucking angle imaginably possible. I pray every night that I have apologised to my mother enough to prevent the Karma of my wild, emotional and defiant teenage years biting me hard on the ass...

Anyway, we'll get back to the focus gratitude shall we? So the most uncommitted little lady I have ever met made a commitment at the start of the year. As soon as she saw the big cheerleading girls doing a full out for their trip to America to compete, she wanted to be like them. To be like Sissy... She wanted it so bad, she begged us to change from the recreational classes to the competition classes straight away.

So, given we have done this for her in the past for other things - we instantly became tight asses... With other stuff that she has pleaded with those lush big blue eyes, long lashes and the cutest little face and voice that could melt the devil's heart - to which we clearly gave in to her. When it got too tough for her, or she had to do too much - she would come home and say: it's not for me, I just wanna have fun and then proceeds to sing 'girls just wanna have fun, oh girls just wanna have fun'. We set her with a task. She had to complete one full year of attending every single fun class lesson, she had to wear the cheer school training uniform, cheer shoes and bow to every single less, she had to train with sissy in the garage to practice what she learnt every week.

I have never seen this kid so determined and so focused. She hates anything healthy and ate all of her salad... Admittedly there were a lot of tears, a lot of I don't want to, a lot of lettuce tastes horrible, a lot of I'll eat everything else but the lettuce leaves and see if anyone would really notice. But in the end, through her snot bubble tears, she ate it. Then was proud of herself and then danced around saying she was gonna be a big cheerleader in now time. I won't repeat the above, but the same thing happened, but not as often about practising... You clearly get the picture here, don't you?

Today, we finally got the pleasure of seeing her do her fun class full-out... Proud is an understatement. She remained focused, didn't fluff around (she does this a lot, especially in swimming lessons - when the teacher isn't looking, she is pretending to be a beautiful mermaid). Her skills have improved so much, her attitude has improved as well - all thanks to her maintaining her focus on what she wanted - Competitive Cheer!

Safe to say, the littlest love can dust off her fun cheer class boots, and put on her big girl boots. Cause our tight asses have disappeared and the pockets are deep again... She will be doing competitive cheer next year... Yep, another proud parent bragging post...

Ok Monday, let’s do this shit!

Well hello, Monday you fine thing! It’s been a long time since I have dreaded a Monday… I believe this is because I am content with the balance of my life… Or, I need to be sent to the looney bin!

This weekend has been so full on and busy: Cheerleading, dinner and lunch dates with the loves, beach hangs, the movies, and then just general chilling out (not a lot of doing nothing happened on the weekend)… This pretty much, save for the cheerleading, sums up our weekends… Bliss!

Anyway, today I am grateful for train rides… Oh yes, those large sardine tins that move elegantly through the back streets from my house to where I work.  I am grateful because of the full-on weekends, I get an extra 1 ½ hours of Uni studies every single day… WHAT!!! Love it... Yeah, even more, creepy that I love Uni…right?! OH, I also love the moving sardine tin because it saves me from participating in excessive road rage when being stuck in peak hour traffic.

It’s like this great surprise… One minute I feel overwhelmed because I think I am behind and then by the end of 1 day, I have caught up and livin’ on cloud 9. I am super proud of myself for the commitment I have made for something I love… And, I honestly believe this display of my commitment, has influenced the girls on their commitment to things they love or believe in. I always work hard for the things I love and believe in… I even work hard for things I believe in, but, I seriously don’t love…hate would be the more appropriate word – but hey, you do what you gotta do for the greater good right?

So, thanks to this fine ass Monday, my ritual morning train ride and my creepy ass love for learning, I have Administrative Law by the balls! I have no doubt in my mind I will pass with flying colours like every other form of study or unit for my law degree I have undertaken… I love learning, a total nerd and I know it… Don’t let me tough stickers deceive you. I am all sorts of nerd on the inside!

Live your life - full out!

What an amazing Saturday it has been.

And with that, today I am grateful for being a Cheer Mum... Yep, if you know me well, you would know that hair and makeup is not my forte. Therefore, I would epically fail at being a Dance or Cheer Mum... But hey, I have set myself a goal, and totally smashed it... I am seriously thinking of quitting property and law and getting into the hair and makeup biz... Alright, I confess, I still suck at putting makeup on myself.

Miss Mia had her second cheer competition for the year! And, her and her team has placed second in their division! PROUD! Both little loves have been committed to their love for Cheerleading, with Havanah attending every single recreational cheer class so she can do competitive cheer like her big sissy next year. And then there is Mia, she has been that obsessive kind of dedicated... Between Zac and I, we have trained almost every night in our gym with her. She sets herself countless goals and we get in there with her, work out with her and help her achieve them. She does smash them by the way...totally gets that from me.

I remember when she came home from Cheer the other week buzzing with excitement about their new routine for the comp. 'Mum we did the full out for our new routine and smashed it' this was obviously said in a high pitched overexcited little ladies voice. Oh and a full out for the non-cheer knowledgeable people reading this is the first time they perform their routine from start to finish in front of the other kids at their cheerleading school. I am totally getting the hang of this Cheer Mum shit! Even learning all the terminology - you wanna know just come see me... Ok, maybe wait till next year to ask me any questions.

Right, back to the point... So all her hard work over the last 12 months has paid off... Babycakes did so well.  I, of course, screamed out 'Go Mia' when it was all quiet before they were about to start... I am pretty sure she was really grateful she couldn't see me at the top of the grandstand waving my arms around like crazy cheering her on.

Proud is an understatement, and I am looking forward to the commitment and dedication next year... At the rate I am going with all this cheer training with the girls, I will be a pro! Thanks, Mia! Could I still be a pro, if I couldn't cheer accurately to save my life... Let's just go with a yes for now.

Wake, be awesome, sleep, repeat!

Today - Wednesday, I am grateful for our routine.

Today was the first day, after being away, where Zac and I, after we tucked the girls in bed got to spend some proper time together.

Back to our routine... Dinner with the kids, chats, board games and chilling watching a show together, and then kids go to bed. Then it's our time, and we both get our gym gear on and head into our home gym. I remember a time where I used to hate working out in front of him. I would get all embarrassed. Now, I hate going into the gym without him.

I love that after our work out when we are cooling down, I'll do my uni - he will play PS4 (I am really not a fan of the PS4, I could almost run over it sometimes). He does it so I am not distracted, because I actually hate the PS4. But, he knows that I will focus on my Uni, if he is on it because I hate the PS4 and won't talk to him when he is playing it. Win, win situation...I guess... Did I tell you I hate the PS4, just wasn't sure if you picked up on that vibe...

I love how we prioritise our time. You could be anywhere, doing anything, working hard day in and day out. It's all about how you prioritise your time. Zac and I have our routine down to a T. And, so do the girls - in saying that, our world does not end if a spanner is thrown into the works or if we have a brake. We all just go with the flow, find our feet and then end up back in a schedule that works for all of us.

Safe to say, everyone was happy to go back to normal.

All the great speakers were bad at first!

Today, being Monday I am grateful for moving my own personal mountains, conquering my fears and owning public speaking. 

Since late Sunday afternoon, I have been in regional North Queensland for work, in preparation of my second and many to come training session around Land Access. Today, I felt comfortable...so comfortable I didn't even have to try and imagine the audience being naked... 

I didn't stumble on my words, the content just flowed out of my mouth just as gracefully as the f-boms, shits and mates flowed.  My audience was engaged and interacted throughout the training not just at the end of the training session...when I force them to talk to me to discuss their constraints...

I have always hated public speaking... It definitely wasn't one of my strong points in High School...ok, ok, I was reeeealy bad!  My hands would always shake uncontrollably, which sucks when you had to try and read from palm cards... I would stumble on my words, I'd forget what I was talking about and make up some complete utter bullshit on the spot... So, I always avoid it... I literally run for the hills avoid it. 

So when I pushed to be the face of the training, a part of me inside was screaming WTF Karen! What are you thinking! You hate public speaking! Shut Up! Put that hand down now biatch! But I know that nothing exciting happens when you stay inside your comfort zone.

So here I am out of my comfort zone, travelling around North Queensland, killing goals and annoying the shit out of a bunch of field staff about Land Access!

The co-parenting King!

What better way to celebrate gratitude, then being grateful for my Dad -The Co-parenting King! He also has many other superhero traits, but this is one of my favourites.

Why is he the King you may ask? Well, let me answer that for you...  He is the king because had to co-parent with my mother... A real Filio, little old (now) lady, with her Luis Viton bag, a shoe collection almost as big as mine (over 100 shoes), dollars signs in her eyes with the sparkle of the world being against her... Don't get me wrong, I love that lady - she helps me out with the girls, she loves them dearly and for the obvious reason that she is my mother.

So, if he can survive that, I am convinced he can survive anything! The standard that he set - ok, this co-parenting shit by far is a two-way street, so he can't have all the credit... So let me rephrase that... The standard that he worked so hard with my mother to set for my brother and I is absolutely incredible. They attended our weddings together (my brothers was overseas), they sit at the same table at every single event, they work together with everything including my girls now... They even spend 4 hours in a car to drive from Fundaberg (Bundaberg) to Brisbane to come to visit my brother and I and obviously the kids... AND, they obviously both come out of it alive... Alive, I say...

I have the most amazing relationship with my Dad! Without a doubt in my mind, he is my hero. He is the first person I go to when I have a problem and need advice. Especially about my co-parenting situation... Before I go off the handles about anything, I am open and honest about the facts (legal brain habit) and I call the old boy... It usually starts off like this 'can you tell me if I am acting like a bitch/crazy ex-wife/crazy in general' He always has a laugh at the statement and tells me to tell him what's going on... Now, this guy is gggooooddd.... And I adore him, so it is next to impossible for me to lie to him, and if I want his honest opinion, I tell him everything, read out messages, tell him how I snapped and acted like a bitch you name it... He never ever gives me an analysis of the facts and a brief summary of how he comes to his answer... And his answer is never long either... It's one of the two: 'princess you're being a bitch, settle down' or 'princess it's not right, but keep goings'. I hate it when it's the latter of the two... Because I know he is telling me to quietly stand my ground and put the girls first...

And yes, he still calls me, princess, no matter who is around, slightly embarrassing when I am with the General Counsel of a business I used to work for...

He is by far my favourite drinking buddy and has been for a very long time... Even kept up with him and all the old boys back in the day at their old local watering hole... He's an excellent singer - when everyone is drunk and the best air guitarist I have ever seen when Hotel California's guitar solo starts rolling out through the speakers. He without a doubt, always tells the same to jokes when he is drunk... It's your warning sign that he probably will pass out soon. And he has the biggest, kindest soul I have ever seen...

I still love his cuddles and just sitting there, hanging out while he has a beer doing his crossword puzzles, talking shit about crap he did when he was younger.

My absolute favourite thing is despite how old we both get... He still is the one person I always look up to and he still is the person I will always call first.

Stop faffing and get on with it!

So... Truth be told, and evidently, I am behind... Really behind... Not that I haven't written anything, I have a few posts sitting there from last week just dying to be posted.. However it just didn't seem right, not one bit, didn't even read as if it was written by me. Believe me, I had a shit tonne of things to be grateful for. But last week, I was defeated...

You see, the last week I had so many balls up in the air. Just waiting for those suckers to fall down all at once and hit me in the face. These are all work related, and actually, don't directly affect me at all. The company I am working for went through a restructure and some of my dearest friends were impacted. I was angry and bitter for them. I thought 'how could you, where is the sense in that decision'. Yep, I let that bitter shit into my world, bitterness that was not mine to entirely feel. I let the crap I am genuinely trying to focus less on, back in my space - little snakey shit!

Now, I could bang on about how they felt, how I felt, how sad I felt about not getting to see some of my dearest friends at work every day, now, having to wait for our ritual family BBQ/Funday events... But I am not going to do that... Because today, I am grateful for admitting defeat, putting my big girl jocks on, brushing my hair and starting again.

What's life without the occasional fuck up... right!? When it comes to work, I always acknowledge when I have done something wrong, I'll find it before you do and I'll admit it. Why? Because I believe if you don't, it puts limits on you. If you so deeply believe you are at the top and can make no mistakes, you get complacent, you stop learning, you think you know it all, you limit your room to grow, you get cocky and then become a Real Estate Agent or a Car Salesman (sorry to anyone out there reading that statement that falls in that category. It seriously does take a unique personality/special someone to successfully sells those things and it's all in your attitude).

As my fellow Asian friend said (ok, so he is famous and definitely not my friend)

So, if I don't admit defeat when it's necessary - like the last week for example... Then I am limiting my ability to be self-aware, give myself my time, grow and learn from my fuck up.  So as I reflect on last week, I know the situation really did bother me...so much so, although I had so many things to be grateful for, I wasn't 100% in it. I am so glad I recognised and admitted my defeat. So for now, I think I will leave my big girl jocks at home, instead, put on my combat boots, go commando and getting the hell on with it!

Have you tried restart?

Day 13, really it's been 13 days in already?!

At this rate, the 365-day project will be over before I know it.

My recent technical issues required me to blow off the dust off my old laptop and get that bad boy a good run for its money...temporarily. This caused delays to my posts, so it is only natural that I am grateful for these issues to be resolved and I am working with modern technology again.

For the last few days, I have been operating on what feels like a 1900s typewriter. You honestly don't realise how much technology has advanced in a matter of 2 years. Well not until your fancy pants equipment has a mental breakdown and you have to revert back to your old laptop... Old...as in not even 2 years old.

It's also funny, how you don't realise how important something is until it is either gone, taken away or, in this case, not working properly.

Working on the dinosaur resulted in text not appearing for at least 5 minutes... 1900s typewriter clearly has one up on my old laptop...  And photoshop just refused to cooperate. I could only see my cursor 10% of the time and my laptop thought a lot... about everything... with every move it was going to make.

So right now, I am cuddling up with my amazing Samsung Book in absolute awe of seeing letters appear on the screen as I select them on the keyboard, and working with equipment that doesn't need so much time to think...

Such bliss that it is all sorted... just in time for uni to start next week.

I'm bad, she's Boujee!

I truly believe that you don’t have to know someone for a long time to become great mates or have a bond as if you have known each other for a lifetime. It’s all about the connection!

We all have people come in and out of our lives. Some are around for a lifetime and will always play an important part in your life, some are only there for a moment and played an important part in your life at that time. Then, there are the new breaths of fresh air that you're grateful you cross paths with and BANG instant connection. I have a few of these breaths of fresh air who have recently crossed my path. Each has their own story, and each person plays a different part in my life to which I am grateful for... So naturally, each will get their own post.

Today and every day, I am grateful for my favourite boujee biatch! She makes Wednesdays and Thursdays the best working days… Never have I met someone where I instantly felt comfortable with… Nor have I ever met someone who is continuously uplifting… I cannot recall a time where she didn’t pick me up when I was flat, personally or in respect to my career.    I can only hope I give back the same to her.

She is stylish AF, loud and everything fun! I have learnt so much from her - to the point I feel like I have been living under a rock for the last 20 years, or I am old AF... Let's just go with the living under the rock, shall we? 

Most days we are aligned with our absolute flith mouth trash talk, crying from laughing so hard… and then quietly wondering if we overstepped the boundary and did an overshare. Other days, we speak our mind and opinions and respect each other's views, move on, make a dirty joke and laugh for the rest of the day.

Naturally, given each person in this relationship position at work, you wouldn’t think we would be as close as what I think we are… Shit! Maybe this is a one sided, I love you BFF relationship... Creepy... But over time, it expanded itself from work to home and I am forever grateful. I love that I get to be me, in a professional and personal sense and it’s not often that you’ll get that, in this big bad world.

I also love that she takes me for who I am professional and personally. I can start off a sentence with... 'can I ask you something' and no matter how fucking stupid (believe me, sometimes it is really fucking stupid), I know I can ask her, she will be honest with me - even if I am being stupid, I know I will feel better and we will laugh, mostly at my stupidity!

Wouldn't have her any other way!

Unplugged - the Facebook detox!

Today I am grateful for making the decision to unplug, and deactivated my Facebook account to have a temporary Facebook detox. I did this over a month ago, and holy shit! It is amazing!

This is a big one for me. I have a lot of people in my little hub all over the world... Friends and family, jet-setting around... I have family in Italy, Canadian, America, the Philippines just to mention a few... Yep, us Filos are taking over the world... haha!

No seriously! They are everywhere and those that aren’t overseas are all over Australia... Literally in every state and territory! My favourite thing about Facebook and the only thing I like about Facebook is sharing our journies together no matter the distance. I love this! I love that my friends and family get the opportunity to see the girls grow. Or, that my friends and family share their life, experiences, travels and children with me...

However, what I hate about Facebook is the cesspool of drama that goes with it. Someone taking offence to something you post, someone sharing your stories with an ex or with their ex’s ex’s BFF or some stupid shit like that... And some of the posts, about horrible things that just appear on your feed, or share if you want to stop this, or that.

Now let me bring my slightly annoying analytical brain into the mix and bore you with some ‘did you know facts’.

Hold onto your jocks love, cause you’re in for a shocker...

Did you know that to date, there are approximately 24.6m Australians and, 15m of those 24.6m are active Facebook users... That’s approximately 61% of our population (ok, ok if you want to be really accurate it’s in fact 60.97560975609756). Holy shit right! Now, for a bit more holy shit, the global average of time spent on Facebook alone is approximately 20+ minutes a day... For a little more prospective Australian women spend 56 minutes per day on social media, with men sitting at approximately 41 minutes per DAY!

So when they say 'Offline is the new luxury', they certainly are not wrong! In saying all of that, I will, unfortunately, have to reopen my Facebook account again soon. I think I will be more conscious about the time spent on it... And, social media in general.

Happiness is.... Skype Chats

Originally today, I was going to talk about how I am grateful to be working in a job I love... Despite the ups and downs that come with my job...I actually do really love what I do. However, I do travel a lot and that kind of sucks. With a ridiculously early morning start looming, today I am keeping it short and sweet!

So right now, I am sitting in my hotel room in the lovely and stinking hot Mackay missing my family... I am only away for 1 night, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss my family. The girls always ask me to call them while I am away, they love hearing about my onsite adventures... They don't really like hearing about my long meeting adventures though.

So every time I go away, whether it's for a night or a week, I call them...every single day. So today, I am grateful for Skype! I love that even though I am not at home, I can call them on Skype on their own tablet and sit at the dining table with the girls while they are having dinner and chat... I love that they could be drawing a picture and I am still there not missing out... Sometimes not even saying a single word, but still enjoying watching them do what they would be doing if I was home, just sitting there soaking them up as if I was physically there... 'Stalker Alert'

I am pretty sure Skype is probably behind the times these days, with all the different platforms now available to ensure you can keep in contact with your family while you're away... But, boy oh boy, do I love still being able to see them...and for us, Skype makes the distance between us bearable!

We Came. We Saw. We Loved.

I don't think there is a person in the world that doesn't want to see the world. 

We love to travel... There was a time where travel was local... to a beach an hour away from my little hometown just to camp. Not that I have a problem with camping, I love camping. But, that was the extent of our affordability to travel... This is no longer my life. And today, I am so grateful for that. 

Over the last 2 years, my little family of 4 has been to the Philippines twice, we have visited Boracay Island, Puerto Princessa, Kawasan Falls (to mention a few), snorkelled, climbed mountains, explored little villages, canoed through underground rivers, relaxed and enjoyed. We explored the beauty of Singapore. We've been to Perth, relaxed on Rottnest Island and did what the girls love them most, exploring and visiting every Zoo everywhere we go. Zac and I trekked through Vietnam, ate, climbed mountains... again... visited Halong Bay, Da Nang, Marble Mountain and got lost in all the food and tailored clothing in Hoi An, just to mention a few.

I love that we are booked out next year with some amazing adventures for ourselves... Cairns and Townsville, Magnetic Island and everything in between on the Easter school holidays. Exploring waterfalls, snorkelling and of course climbing mountains... Are you seeing a trend here... The girls and Zac love mountain climbing... the girls have googled their names with Mt at the front because they want to climb a mountain named after them... There is Mt Mia, which is close to where we are (yep we are headed there the next free weekend we have). Mt Havanah, well that's in Sir Lanka and it's huge and I don't think we can climb it, but it can definitely be admired by one of those luxurious, glorious mountainside hotels... Yes, Banana wants to go... Pretty sure it's just for the luxurious hotel with her mountain views.

So, back to the travel... We have a wedding in Hawaii in July. And then, the adventure of a lifetime. France and Italy... We all cannot wait! I feel so blessed to have girls that love to travel and don't want fancy cars and big houses when they grow up... They want Brazil (to visit their old Au Pair), see the Greek Islands, go to Canada for Christmas (both are on the planning list as we speak... eeep!). They google islands, and countries to visit... Because life is all about the people in it and the memories you make with the people you love - so they tell me... So they have been listening to me all this time...

I would spend every last cent, to travel the world with my family and enjoy the experiences and memories we are creating together! Hang on a second... that's exactly what we are doing... except for the 'every last cent' part.... but that's a gratitude for another day!

Crazy little thing called Love!

To continue painting the picture of my story, today I am grateful for getting a second chance at this crazy little thing called love.

I remember when my ex and I broke up, I was so sure that I would remain single. Being single these days is a nightmare... You can't just go to the pub, get drunk, and have a convo. You gotta be on 20 different dating apps, be pretty good at photoshopping, talk online for ages and be willing to risk after all that texting before you meet, then when you finally meet you'll just be the next chick this guy is gonna "pork" until the next time he swipes right.  On top of that, I convinced myself - who on earth would want to date a single mum of two kids...

Well, there was one guy out there crazy and stupid enough to give it a good crack... It's one thing to be on a journey of self-discovery, especially when you are fighting your way through your bullshit emotions thinking you have failed...because you failed your marriage. It's another when you start believing in yourself, truly believing in yourself and then poof, this person is there in your life backing you, supporting you, encouraging you... believing in you.

So this crazy, stupid guy did exactly that. I was hesitant, I stalled, I pushed back, but I could never let him go... imagining him not around - just didn't feel right. I was such an asshole, I would only see him once a week and he wasn't allowed to come to my place any earlier than 7pm (on that one day), as the girl's bedtime was 7.30pm. It was just enough time for them to get to know him bit by bit. I wasn't about to be someone who had different men in and out of my life in front of my kids... It took months before I trusted him enough to even meet my girls... Let alone hang out with him all the time...

As all my pieces slowly started to come back together, he waited, he stayed... He didn't push back, he didn't hesitate and he didn't stall. He patiently rode the wave of my utter bullshit, because I was terrified of getting it wrong again... He made me feel beautiful, special, smart... to the point that I actually believed it, I believed deep within myself I was all those things... Holy Shit!! Is this what a real relationship is actually supposed to be like!

Don't get me wrong, he drives me absolutely batshit crazy! And not everything is roses, and that goes for everyone... No relationship is 100% perfect... and if you think yours is 100% perfect all... the... time...girlfriend you are in for a rude shock cause your battle is coming, or you are just totally in a space of denial.

I have seen him at his worst, he has seen me at mine... Believe me, sometimes I wonder how the fuck we are actually still together... But it was through those times where we oddly communicated more, we backed each other and were always there for each other. We don't fight often at all, but we debate all the time... And when we do fight, it's like in the movie 300 - when the vastly outnumbered Spartans attempt to hold off the invading Persian Army... But never, do we ever go to bed angry with each other or still fighting... Every battle ends in peace, is over and never to be had again!

Today, I am so grateful for such an amazing partner, amazing step Dad and literally my best friend!

She's sweet enough already!

To follow on from yesterday's post, today (every day) I am grateful for my youngest daughter...

Oh, Banana, with her big blue eyes, long blonde hair and a sweet smile that could even make the Devil melt... She could also send him deaf due to her incredible communication skills. This kid could talk underwater and could talk about anything.... and just go on and on, and on, and on, and on.... and... on. Your conversations will range from Mermaids, Unicorns, Monsters to some bug she found at school and tried to make a habitat for it.

I am grateful for her tears when you talk about her growing up one day, getting a job and moving out. She sobs at the moving out part - declaring through a flood of tears 'I am never going to leave you Mummy - I am going to live with you forever!'

I am grateful for her cuddles, that instantly melts my heart and soul... Something about her innocence, sweet smile and those loving arms wrapped around you that makes you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

I love that she loves being a girly girl. Unfortunately, anything girly is not my area of expertise. In fact, I suck at the 'girly, everything pink, dainty and pretty' department... I am terrible with makeup - but a master at making you look like a circus clown and my best hairstyle is a ponytail... well kind of a ponytail... it kind of looks like a ponytail... Ok, it is a really, really sad looking ponytail. As a result of her girly-girl antics, I have developed better research skills when it comes to YouTubing hair and makeup tutorials for dummies. However, still suck at makeup!

I am grateful that she looks up to her big sister, wants to be just like her, but different and in a tutu! If Sissy is skateboarding, she'll be out skateboarding too, on her super cute My Little Pony skateboard, rocking her tutu, with bright pink lipstick all over her face.

I am grateful for the absolute excitement on her face and in her voice with every single story she tells, and how excited she gets every afternoon when I come home from work.  She truly is magical!

She will move mountians!

Boy, is she fierce! Every day I am grateful for my eldest daughter.

When I first sat down to write this post, I thought it would be easy... How could it not be, considering you are writing about one of your children right? Every little thing about them you are grateful for, including the tantrums... Oh, I miss the tantrums. Now I get the rolled eyes followed by the silent treatment and then the storming off into her room slamming the door before I can even get a word in. I am left awkwardly saying  'yeah you do that, you go to your room'.

So I sit here, on attempt number 3 - attempting to write down her uniqueness, when I can barely explain it in a conversation over coffee. - it always ends with, you'll understand when you meet her.  She has an amazing personality - fierce, headstrong and independent one minute...cuddly, girly, and vulnerable the next.

Loves mountain climbing, mostly only the end - when you are at the top. Not always a fan of the whole - climbing a bloody mountain to get to the top thing. And, I am pretty sure she lets the whole mountain, neighbourhood... actually Brisbane City know when she has had a gutful of the climb (doesn't happen often). Even though she is cracking the shits, she still moves forward to achieve what she has tasked herself with, which is getting to the top. Would bloody want to get to the top after waking everyone up at 5am on a Sunday morning to go mountain climbing... Most normal people are sleeping in... I secretly wish I was sleeping in, especially when my legs are starting to feel the burn, thanks to the steep as shit mountain Missy and her Step Dad have picked to climb.

I am grateful for her love for everything... Once she loves, she loves deeply... once she commits, she commits 100%. I am grateful that she doesn't do what most of the girls that are her friends do, and they love her for it... Missy Moo is their cool chick friend, the one that has a slider, a mad skateboard collection - who actually skateboards, she is the adventurous one. The one that loves to travel and, at a very young age already appreciates different cultures.

She is so selfless, I wish I could be more like her. I wish that I would put how I feel aside sometimes for the greater good like she does... instead of running my motor mouth like a wanker for half an hour, only to get my voice of reason after I have made an utter dick out of myself for the absolute garbage that filthed out of my mouth.

She makes me want to be a better human to people I wish I didn't have to. The admiration I have for her is amazing, and I am grateful that she looks at me with the same admiring eyes, believing I am the good one...

I am grateful that my daughter is like that quote: 'she's a reflection of me. So you know she's the shit!' There is not a moment in time, where I don't look at her and say to my self - shit I am lucky... so lucky to have such a beautiful daughter...inside and out! There is not a day that goes by, where I don't try to show her and her sister to always strive to be better, better than no one else but yourself. There is not a day that goes by that I don't practice what I preach to her - I strive every day, to be a better version of myself - all because of her...

Marriage, Kids... and The Ex!

Today I am grateful for my Ex... oh yes I did! I totally went there! You're probably thinking that I have completely lost the plot right now... and am headed straight for crazy town. Believe me, sometimes I feel like I am headed for there too. Or, that I have geared up my luscious lips with Chanel 60 - Rouge Troublant (if you don't know what this is... it's a shit hot red) lipstick in preparation of some serious ass kissing. But this isn't what is happening here... because it ain't no Chanel, it's a 2 dollar shop lippy in red... Jokes!

I have many reasons to be grateful for my Ex. We have some great memories we shared together, we also have some pretty shit ass ones too. We had a beautiful wedding... I looked shit hot by the way... we shared that memory with some of our closest friends and family some still with us, some, unfortunately, are not.

We shared many years together, happy, as you naturally do in a long-term relationship... and then a few, definitely not so happy... and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have the two most amazing little girls aged 6 & 9, both going on  27. Believe me, those girls are definitely something for me to brag about, appreciate and constantly learn from... They inspire me to always strive to be a better version of myself... but I will get to them in a separate post.

I am grateful for my Ex, not only because of obvious things (my two babies) but because of who I have grown into today, with our turbulent (especially the end) relationship playing its contribution.  Now, I am not going to go into the nitty-gritty and the, he said she said bullshit for our failed relationship. But, what I will say and what I know is at the time we were Mr & Mrs right for each other, that we grew over time as individuals...not together, and have both moved on into the relationships we need to be/deserve to be in. I recently stumbled across a quote (unsure of the author) that puts my statement into prospective... it stated:

I think that this works both ways, that there is a lot of truth to this, but most importantly for me... I think the last part needs to change to... for herself.  How awesome does that sound: "sometimes a man's purpose is a woman's life is to help her become a better woman... for herself' If my limits were not tested... if the things that happened between us didn't... I probably would be spending my life, limiting my capabilities and strengths and doing the same old shit that most people do - growing up in a 'little' town.

I got out, I believed, I grew, I learnt to love myself and spent my time making me happy (and obviously my kids)... I stopped focusing my happiness on making someone else happy. I am stronger, happier and more successful in every way and the relationship with my Ex and the ending contributed to giving me that much-needed nudge. Maybe it was more like a push, like - bitch get up...live a little... for yo'self!

When I look at my life now, what I have achieved - in such a short period of time, what Zac (I'll get to my Fiance's appreciate post later too) provide for the girls, I can't help but be grateful for the Ex! I wouldn't have my awesome job, life and my awesome Zac if my Ex was till my Mr... Let's be honest here, sometimes it's really fucking hard to be grateful for my Ex. But hey, this is a 365-day gratitude blog, to cleanse the soul and inspire... not a hard to be grateful sometimes 'cause some people drive you batshit crazy blog.

Hold on to your panties, shit is about to get real!

The Beginning!

I am not the first and definitely will not be the last person to start a project like this.

But, shit has semi hit the fan and I have allowed too much crap seep its way into my happy soul... Time for a cleanse, and what better way to cleanse the soul than to express gratitude for all the shit you currently have in your life. 

Soul cleansing is probably one of the best things we could do for ourselves. It is next to impossible, unless you are his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, to be 100% grateful of absolutely everything in our lives.  It is also impossible for our Shit Radar to be running at 100% capacity, 24 hours a day 7 days a week, blocking all the negative crap trying to find a way in. Sometimes, things get the better of us, some big, some small... either way at some point, you are fine and the next you are having a mental breakdown like a two year old  throwing themselves on the ground at the grocery store over tomato sauce. 

Unfortunately today's society is hungry for drama and what's even more unfortunate, is the drama... is... so... ACCESSIBLE.  Gone are the days where we obtained our drama quick fix via the TV show 'The Days of Our Lives'. With the world of drama, real drama, at our finger tips thanks to social media - we are officially living in a stalker's haven.  We now have the ability to search for that mean cow in grade 8, click, spy and try to provide ourselves a false sense of satisfaction that our lives are better than theirs. To try and give yourself that 'Suck it mole! I am living the dream' moment. - If you are doing this, girlfriend, I got you, but please stop!

So back to the gratitude hey... in an attempt to stop the negative invading my thoughts like the Aliens did in Independence Day - I have decided to hold myself accountable for my little project. I am going to be totally unoriginal (I researched, there is a million of us) and document and share it with those peeps who are keen for a laugh, something real, or possibly doing the same thing. 

I can't guarantee I will have a sense of humor daily, but I can guarantee that this will be as real as real can get - 365 days of real.  I also can't promise that there won't be a post one day only saying 'Today I am grateful for waking up'  because on that day, I am chucking a tantrum like a 2 year old, throwing myself around the grocery store isle over chocolate... that I can't have...

So, what I am grateful for today? I am grateful for actually doing this... actually documenting what I am grateful for. I have a lot of shit in my life I am grateful for, and your bucket full of grateful shit could never, EVER be big enough... it should always be expanding. So, I am expanding away...