Meaning, rather than Happiness!

Today I am grateful for having meaning in my life.

I recently listed to a TED talk about people's pursuit of happiness. It when on to say, chasing happiness and only happiness actually makes people unhappy. WTF? My thought's exactly. But I continued to listen to the video as I was intrigued. Apparently, studies showed that people experienced emptiness when they were only chasing happiness, but not because they had a lack of happiness but because they had a lack of meaning. MIND BLOWN right?

She continues to talk about the 4 pillars to having meaning in your life. This got me thinking about my life... Do I have the 4 pillars in my life? What in my life fit within the 4 pillars she discovered through her studies...  For your reference these bad boys are:

1. Belonging (valued for who you are and value others);
2. Purpose (less about what you want, but more about what you give);
3. Transcendence (being in the zone/losing a sense of time or place); and
4. Storytelling (the story you tell about yourself to yourself - how you became you).

And there it was, clear as day... when I sat down and asked myself questions based around each pillar, the answers were effortless. At the end of the activity, I felt happy and satisfied. To be honest, by the end of the TED Talk, and the little pillars activity I was relieved to know and feel that there is more to life than happiness. That you can enjoy all emotions, you don't have to be happy all the time, but can enjoy happiness as it comes in the moments you experience it. It was a relief to know, that having meaning in your life leads to a more fulfilled life and in turn, a happier life.

I was also chuffed to discover that I currently have belonging, with some very close friends and my family - that love me unconditionally for who I am and nurture who I am. Just as I love them for who they are and nurture who they are. That I have purpose which is to help people and to guide my children into strong, independent young woman. That I experience Transcendence when I work out with my fiancee. And that over the years, I have told my story, for every truth that it has, that I am grateful for my experiences that have turned me into who I am today - inclusive of some pretty horrible memories, but those memories gave me my resilience, my compassion and my understanding.

I don't think there could be anything more I could be grateful for today, then having that article shared with me (link below), for taking the time to ask myself some questions around the pillars, for recognising what are my pillars and for acknowledging how fulfilled and meaningful my life really is.

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_esfahani_smith_there_s_more_to_life_than_being_happy

It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas!

Today has no doubtable been an absolutely full on day. It's always good, well I love it - the busier you are the quicker time flies. 

So between work and my health today flew before my eyes... and then, let the excitement begin!

SCHOOL CHRISTMAS CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!! (screamed in two adorable little ladies voices).

Yep, it is Christmas time here at the girl's school! Boy, was it the absolute best! I remember a time where we never were able to make these things... Now, all that hard work over the years has paid off and I don't miss a thing!

The Christmas decorations and outfits were out in full force, with the old and the young all giving it a good bash... Nothing could beat the smile on all the little faces... All 300 hundred odd. I am pretty sure as soon as we arrived, they ran off to their friends, compared outfits, run around, threw in a couple of cartwheels and then enjoyed some tasty food from the food trucks on site. 

The stage looked awesome, and so did the gorgeous little Preppy's that got on the stage, all nervous but full of excitement belting out Silent Night at the top of their lungs. 

Then the MC announces that it's the grades 1's turn to show the parents and teachers their best Christmas singing voices. Immediately Havanah got up, jumping up and down, waving her arms around like crazy to ensure without a doubt we could see her. The excitement and joy on her face this year was so much better than last year... Pretty sure it is because she wasn't as nervous since she has done it once before. 

A few more grades go by, and then MC announces grade 3's... Oh, the smile on that kids face, the fun she had, the joy it made Zac, myself and their Au Pair Evie feel. A little more conservative, she didn't jump up and down like a monkey... She just smiled, waved, smiled again, giggled with her friends when Zac and I waved back like the dorky proud parents we are and then belted out her Christmasy tune!

Such a magical night, under the stars, listening to 300 children singing completely off key, not in time with each other and all distracted by waving at their parents!

Wake, be awesome, sleep, repeat!

Today - Wednesday, I am grateful for our routine.

Today was the first day, after being away, where Zac and I, after we tucked the girls in bed got to spend some proper time together.

Back to our routine... Dinner with the kids, chats, board games and chilling watching a show together, and then kids go to bed. Then it's our time, and we both get our gym gear on and head into our home gym. I remember a time where I used to hate working out in front of him. I would get all embarrassed. Now, I hate going into the gym without him.

I love that after our work out when we are cooling down, I'll do my uni - he will play PS4 (I am really not a fan of the PS4, I could almost run over it sometimes). He does it so I am not distracted, because I actually hate the PS4. But, he knows that I will focus on my Uni, if he is on it because I hate the PS4 and won't talk to him when he is playing it. Win, win situation...I guess... Did I tell you I hate the PS4, just wasn't sure if you picked up on that vibe...

I love how we prioritise our time. You could be anywhere, doing anything, working hard day in and day out. It's all about how you prioritise your time. Zac and I have our routine down to a T. And, so do the girls - in saying that, our world does not end if a spanner is thrown into the works or if we have a brake. We all just go with the flow, find our feet and then end up back in a schedule that works for all of us.

Safe to say, everyone was happy to go back to normal.

Our best critic, yet our strongest supporter!

Today I am grateful for my mother... You know, the little old Filio lady I was talking about in my Dad's post.

Despite her honestly stereotypical Filipino mother personality... She is pretty amazing. She is always making herself available to help out with my little babes in-between Au Pairs. She cooks amazing food...most I cannot eat - thanks food allergies! And, she loves us all unconditionally - she has a super soft spot for her future son-in-law Zac... Actually, they have a great relationship - it's so beautiful to see.

One of the things I love the most about her is when I call her. I don't call her for my voice of reason - as advised before that is my Dad's area of expertise... There is a very good reason for that... You see my mother hates everyone... almost... so if I am after a vent and one-sided opinion where she is clearly on team 'Karen' she is my go to... I rarely take her advice, but I always listen to what she has to say. It's actually interesting to see things from the other side of the table - the bitter angry side.

I love how she swears... I remember calling her complaining about my ex-husband... as we ex-wives do from time to time... and, I am 100% confident we have all done this at some point in our life... ex-wife or ex-husband, ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend...whatever your circumstance is or what part of the story you play...come on now, you know you have. Anyway, back to her swearing... I was so livid, which my Dad strongly believed I had every right to be... But, I just wanted to be angry for 5 minutes. I didn't want to be understanding, I didn't want to care about my morals. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and drop a fair few F-bombs... So, I called her, I complained and she swore... Now imagine the next sentence being said in a little old Asain lady's voice: 'Daling... Don't worry bout the phucking idiot! He phucking silly... phucking idiot' Despite what she said not being the nicest thing anyone could say... I honestly couldn't be angry anymore. I wet myself with laughter...

Despite the trouble, and it was a lot of trouble,  I caused this lady growing up she still backs me (most of the time)...I never really showed her growing up - how much I actually appreciated her... Oh yes, I was one of those rebellious teenage girls. Never to my Dad, but always to my mum... I just couldn't be the Filippino she wanted me to be... Sorry, Ma! Poor lady... To this day, I call her once a week to apologise for all the horrible shit I did as a teenager - in hopes that karma doesn't bite me on the ass now that I have two girls.  I am pretty sure she is cool with all the shit now, only because I have two girls and karma probably will bite me fair on the ass.

I am forever grateful, for such an amazing mother - cultural barriers and all. Although, I didn't see it when I was younger and I may not always see it as an adult - she truly is a strong, independent woman. Her choices in life, her culture and her strong beliefs around the importance of family have moulded me into the young woman I am today.  With values and morals so heavily based around family, strength, drive and love.

Happiness is.... Skype Chats

Originally today, I was going to talk about how I am grateful to be working in a job I love... Despite the ups and downs that come with my job...I actually do really love what I do. However, I do travel a lot and that kind of sucks. With a ridiculously early morning start looming, today I am keeping it short and sweet!

So right now, I am sitting in my hotel room in the lovely and stinking hot Mackay missing my family... I am only away for 1 night, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss my family. The girls always ask me to call them while I am away, they love hearing about my onsite adventures... They don't really like hearing about my long meeting adventures though.

So every time I go away, whether it's for a night or a week, I call them...every single day. So today, I am grateful for Skype! I love that even though I am not at home, I can call them on Skype on their own tablet and sit at the dining table with the girls while they are having dinner and chat... I love that they could be drawing a picture and I am still there not missing out... Sometimes not even saying a single word, but still enjoying watching them do what they would be doing if I was home, just sitting there soaking them up as if I was physically there... 'Stalker Alert'

I am pretty sure Skype is probably behind the times these days, with all the different platforms now available to ensure you can keep in contact with your family while you're away... But, boy oh boy, do I love still being able to see them...and for us, Skype makes the distance between us bearable!

We Came. We Saw. We Loved.

I don't think there is a person in the world that doesn't want to see the world. 

We love to travel... There was a time where travel was local... to a beach an hour away from my little hometown just to camp. Not that I have a problem with camping, I love camping. But, that was the extent of our affordability to travel... This is no longer my life. And today, I am so grateful for that. 

Over the last 2 years, my little family of 4 has been to the Philippines twice, we have visited Boracay Island, Puerto Princessa, Kawasan Falls (to mention a few), snorkelled, climbed mountains, explored little villages, canoed through underground rivers, relaxed and enjoyed. We explored the beauty of Singapore. We've been to Perth, relaxed on Rottnest Island and did what the girls love them most, exploring and visiting every Zoo everywhere we go. Zac and I trekked through Vietnam, ate, climbed mountains... again... visited Halong Bay, Da Nang, Marble Mountain and got lost in all the food and tailored clothing in Hoi An, just to mention a few.

I love that we are booked out next year with some amazing adventures for ourselves... Cairns and Townsville, Magnetic Island and everything in between on the Easter school holidays. Exploring waterfalls, snorkelling and of course climbing mountains... Are you seeing a trend here... The girls and Zac love mountain climbing... the girls have googled their names with Mt at the front because they want to climb a mountain named after them... There is Mt Mia, which is close to where we are (yep we are headed there the next free weekend we have). Mt Havanah, well that's in Sir Lanka and it's huge and I don't think we can climb it, but it can definitely be admired by one of those luxurious, glorious mountainside hotels... Yes, Banana wants to go... Pretty sure it's just for the luxurious hotel with her mountain views.

So, back to the travel... We have a wedding in Hawaii in July. And then, the adventure of a lifetime. France and Italy... We all cannot wait! I feel so blessed to have girls that love to travel and don't want fancy cars and big houses when they grow up... They want Brazil (to visit their old Au Pair), see the Greek Islands, go to Canada for Christmas (both are on the planning list as we speak... eeep!). They google islands, and countries to visit... Because life is all about the people in it and the memories you make with the people you love - so they tell me... So they have been listening to me all this time...

I would spend every last cent, to travel the world with my family and enjoy the experiences and memories we are creating together! Hang on a second... that's exactly what we are doing... except for the 'every last cent' part.... but that's a gratitude for another day!

Crazy little thing called Love!

To continue painting the picture of my story, today I am grateful for getting a second chance at this crazy little thing called love.

I remember when my ex and I broke up, I was so sure that I would remain single. Being single these days is a nightmare... You can't just go to the pub, get drunk, and have a convo. You gotta be on 20 different dating apps, be pretty good at photoshopping, talk online for ages and be willing to risk after all that texting before you meet, then when you finally meet you'll just be the next chick this guy is gonna "pork" until the next time he swipes right.  On top of that, I convinced myself - who on earth would want to date a single mum of two kids...

Well, there was one guy out there crazy and stupid enough to give it a good crack... It's one thing to be on a journey of self-discovery, especially when you are fighting your way through your bullshit emotions thinking you have failed...because you failed your marriage. It's another when you start believing in yourself, truly believing in yourself and then poof, this person is there in your life backing you, supporting you, encouraging you... believing in you.

So this crazy, stupid guy did exactly that. I was hesitant, I stalled, I pushed back, but I could never let him go... imagining him not around - just didn't feel right. I was such an asshole, I would only see him once a week and he wasn't allowed to come to my place any earlier than 7pm (on that one day), as the girl's bedtime was 7.30pm. It was just enough time for them to get to know him bit by bit. I wasn't about to be someone who had different men in and out of my life in front of my kids... It took months before I trusted him enough to even meet my girls... Let alone hang out with him all the time...

As all my pieces slowly started to come back together, he waited, he stayed... He didn't push back, he didn't hesitate and he didn't stall. He patiently rode the wave of my utter bullshit, because I was terrified of getting it wrong again... He made me feel beautiful, special, smart... to the point that I actually believed it, I believed deep within myself I was all those things... Holy Shit!! Is this what a real relationship is actually supposed to be like!

Don't get me wrong, he drives me absolutely batshit crazy! And not everything is roses, and that goes for everyone... No relationship is 100% perfect... and if you think yours is 100% perfect all... the... time...girlfriend you are in for a rude shock cause your battle is coming, or you are just totally in a space of denial.

I have seen him at his worst, he has seen me at mine... Believe me, sometimes I wonder how the fuck we are actually still together... But it was through those times where we oddly communicated more, we backed each other and were always there for each other. We don't fight often at all, but we debate all the time... And when we do fight, it's like in the movie 300 - when the vastly outnumbered Spartans attempt to hold off the invading Persian Army... But never, do we ever go to bed angry with each other or still fighting... Every battle ends in peace, is over and never to be had again!

Today, I am so grateful for such an amazing partner, amazing step Dad and literally my best friend!

She's sweet enough already!

To follow on from yesterday's post, today (every day) I am grateful for my youngest daughter...

Oh, Banana, with her big blue eyes, long blonde hair and a sweet smile that could even make the Devil melt... She could also send him deaf due to her incredible communication skills. This kid could talk underwater and could talk about anything.... and just go on and on, and on, and on, and on.... and... on. Your conversations will range from Mermaids, Unicorns, Monsters to some bug she found at school and tried to make a habitat for it.

I am grateful for her tears when you talk about her growing up one day, getting a job and moving out. She sobs at the moving out part - declaring through a flood of tears 'I am never going to leave you Mummy - I am going to live with you forever!'

I am grateful for her cuddles, that instantly melts my heart and soul... Something about her innocence, sweet smile and those loving arms wrapped around you that makes you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

I love that she loves being a girly girl. Unfortunately, anything girly is not my area of expertise. In fact, I suck at the 'girly, everything pink, dainty and pretty' department... I am terrible with makeup - but a master at making you look like a circus clown and my best hairstyle is a ponytail... well kind of a ponytail... it kind of looks like a ponytail... Ok, it is a really, really sad looking ponytail. As a result of her girly-girl antics, I have developed better research skills when it comes to YouTubing hair and makeup tutorials for dummies. However, still suck at makeup!

I am grateful that she looks up to her big sister, wants to be just like her, but different and in a tutu! If Sissy is skateboarding, she'll be out skateboarding too, on her super cute My Little Pony skateboard, rocking her tutu, with bright pink lipstick all over her face.

I am grateful for the absolute excitement on her face and in her voice with every single story she tells, and how excited she gets every afternoon when I come home from work.  She truly is magical!