Have you tried restart?

Day 13, really it's been 13 days in already?!

At this rate, the 365-day project will be over before I know it.

My recent technical issues required me to blow off the dust off my old laptop and get that bad boy a good run for its money...temporarily. This caused delays to my posts, so it is only natural that I am grateful for these issues to be resolved and I am working with modern technology again.

For the last few days, I have been operating on what feels like a 1900s typewriter. You honestly don't realise how much technology has advanced in a matter of 2 years. Well not until your fancy pants equipment has a mental breakdown and you have to revert back to your old laptop... Old...as in not even 2 years old.

It's also funny, how you don't realise how important something is until it is either gone, taken away or, in this case, not working properly.

Working on the dinosaur resulted in text not appearing for at least 5 minutes... 1900s typewriter clearly has one up on my old laptop...  And photoshop just refused to cooperate. I could only see my cursor 10% of the time and my laptop thought a lot... about everything... with every move it was going to make.

So right now, I am cuddling up with my amazing Samsung Book in absolute awe of seeing letters appear on the screen as I select them on the keyboard, and working with equipment that doesn't need so much time to think...

Such bliss that it is all sorted... just in time for uni to start next week.

It's never too early for Christmas!

Happy Sunday, so happy, because today was Christmas for us!

So, naturally, today I am grateful for celebrating an early Christmas with some pretty special family members. My to be mother-in-law and her partner are miners and will be working over Christmas. So, because of this, they brought Christmas to us...

We stuffed ourselves with good food, amazing drinks, laughter, happiness and quality time... An extra added bonus, the girls got some super special and super early Christmas presents.

I love spending time with family, especially my future mother-in-law. I absolutely adore her, and I absolutely love the fact that we get along so well. And the girls, absolutely adore her as well.

There is no better way to spend your day, than spending it with family... Ok, maybe a side of Christmas into the mix is slightly a better way to spend your day with Family.

Good health is true wealth!

Today, being Saturday I am grateful for good health.

It is rare these days, where I actually have a day of good health. I don't like to complain about my health issues, I don't like to make a big deal of it. I am almost always in pain, or generally not feeling well...

So, when I have a day that I feel on fire, have more energy than normal, feel no pain and slaying physical goals - I am over the moon... I love feeling like that, it doesn't always last long but fuck it feels so good.

I had one of those days today... And, I will never ever stop being grateful for those increasingly rare moments.

Allergies got me like....

So, I am one of those people that are blessed with a long list of shit I can't eat and shit I can't do.

I am not going to go into the many health issues I have, as the issues are generally something that I try not to focus on. I find that when I do, my self concuious seems to put the limits on me. When I don't focus on the issues and I concentrate on eating right within my allergy limits, building up my strength and recognising the warning signs, I can achieve anything...

Any who, today my gratitude post is based around food.. Do you know how hard it is to, eat gluten free, low carb & low sugar diet? It's pretty hard, well at least it was when I was first diagnosed with the start of my issues nearly 4 years ago... Pretty sure I lived on glorified air, ice and water... There was no variety avaiable.

So, today I am grateful for, fad diets, yuppies and the increasingly growing desire for the perfect healthy body... I don't care about the body, I just wanna eat something that's not a lettuce leaf and not feel sick afterwards.

There are currently hundreds of various fad diets that have caught the attention of consumers, ranging from Keto, Atkins, Low Fat, Low Calorie, High Protein and recently I heard on the radio of a diet where you consumed no food for 2 weeks, just tea and got a million needs shoved into various locations of your body...eep! The high demand for alternative foods to meet theses popular treads have forced food retailers to provide alternative foods... Gotta continue making the coin right... damn straight!

This demand benefits more people than those in search for perfect health... Ok, here we go again... did you know... Food allergies today impact approximately 1 in 20 children and in about 1 in 100 adults in Australia... Holy shit right? That is a lot of people suffering at the hands of food allergies, intolerances or diseases that restrict intake of particular food groups. And, now, we get to reap the benefits of the glorious amount of alternative foods that meet our requirements.

From ice-cream, candy, chocolate, creams, butters, to crackers, bread and cheese... We are in an alternative food heaven.... And, I am loving it...

I'm bad, she's Boujee!

I truly believe that you don’t have to know someone for a long time to become great mates or have a bond as if you have known each other for a lifetime. It’s all about the connection!

We all have people come in and out of our lives. Some are around for a lifetime and will always play an important part in your life, some are only there for a moment and played an important part in your life at that time. Then, there are the new breaths of fresh air that you're grateful you cross paths with and BANG instant connection. I have a few of these breaths of fresh air who have recently crossed my path. Each has their own story, and each person plays a different part in my life to which I am grateful for... So naturally, each will get their own post.

Today and every day, I am grateful for my favourite boujee biatch! She makes Wednesdays and Thursdays the best working days… Never have I met someone where I instantly felt comfortable with… Nor have I ever met someone who is continuously uplifting… I cannot recall a time where she didn’t pick me up when I was flat, personally or in respect to my career.    I can only hope I give back the same to her.

She is stylish AF, loud and everything fun! I have learnt so much from her - to the point I feel like I have been living under a rock for the last 20 years, or I am old AF... Let's just go with the living under the rock, shall we? 

Most days we are aligned with our absolute flith mouth trash talk, crying from laughing so hard… and then quietly wondering if we overstepped the boundary and did an overshare. Other days, we speak our mind and opinions and respect each other's views, move on, make a dirty joke and laugh for the rest of the day.

Naturally, given each person in this relationship position at work, you wouldn’t think we would be as close as what I think we are… Shit! Maybe this is a one sided, I love you BFF relationship... Creepy... But over time, it expanded itself from work to home and I am forever grateful. I love that I get to be me, in a professional and personal sense and it’s not often that you’ll get that, in this big bad world.

I also love that she takes me for who I am professional and personally. I can start off a sentence with... 'can I ask you something' and no matter how fucking stupid (believe me, sometimes it is really fucking stupid), I know I can ask her, she will be honest with me - even if I am being stupid, I know I will feel better and we will laugh, mostly at my stupidity!

Wouldn't have her any other way!

Unplugged - the Facebook detox!

Today I am grateful for making the decision to unplug, and deactivated my Facebook account to have a temporary Facebook detox. I did this over a month ago, and holy shit! It is amazing!

This is a big one for me. I have a lot of people in my little hub all over the world... Friends and family, jet-setting around... I have family in Italy, Canadian, America, the Philippines just to mention a few... Yep, us Filos are taking over the world... haha!

No seriously! They are everywhere and those that aren’t overseas are all over Australia... Literally in every state and territory! My favourite thing about Facebook and the only thing I like about Facebook is sharing our journies together no matter the distance. I love this! I love that my friends and family get the opportunity to see the girls grow. Or, that my friends and family share their life, experiences, travels and children with me...

However, what I hate about Facebook is the cesspool of drama that goes with it. Someone taking offence to something you post, someone sharing your stories with an ex or with their ex’s ex’s BFF or some stupid shit like that... And some of the posts, about horrible things that just appear on your feed, or share if you want to stop this, or that.

Now let me bring my slightly annoying analytical brain into the mix and bore you with some ‘did you know facts’.

Hold onto your jocks love, cause you’re in for a shocker...

Did you know that to date, there are approximately 24.6m Australians and, 15m of those 24.6m are active Facebook users... That’s approximately 61% of our population (ok, ok if you want to be really accurate it’s in fact 60.97560975609756). Holy shit right! Now, for a bit more holy shit, the global average of time spent on Facebook alone is approximately 20+ minutes a day... For a little more prospective Australian women spend 56 minutes per day on social media, with men sitting at approximately 41 minutes per DAY!

So when they say 'Offline is the new luxury', they certainly are not wrong! In saying all of that, I will, unfortunately, have to reopen my Facebook account again soon. I think I will be more conscious about the time spent on it... And, social media in general.

Happiness is.... Skype Chats

Originally today, I was going to talk about how I am grateful to be working in a job I love... Despite the ups and downs that come with my job...I actually do really love what I do. However, I do travel a lot and that kind of sucks. With a ridiculously early morning start looming, today I am keeping it short and sweet!

So right now, I am sitting in my hotel room in the lovely and stinking hot Mackay missing my family... I am only away for 1 night, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss my family. The girls always ask me to call them while I am away, they love hearing about my onsite adventures... They don't really like hearing about my long meeting adventures though.

So every time I go away, whether it's for a night or a week, I call them...every single day. So today, I am grateful for Skype! I love that even though I am not at home, I can call them on Skype on their own tablet and sit at the dining table with the girls while they are having dinner and chat... I love that they could be drawing a picture and I am still there not missing out... Sometimes not even saying a single word, but still enjoying watching them do what they would be doing if I was home, just sitting there soaking them up as if I was physically there... 'Stalker Alert'

I am pretty sure Skype is probably behind the times these days, with all the different platforms now available to ensure you can keep in contact with your family while you're away... But, boy oh boy, do I love still being able to see them...and for us, Skype makes the distance between us bearable!

We Came. We Saw. We Loved.

I don't think there is a person in the world that doesn't want to see the world. 

We love to travel... There was a time where travel was local... to a beach an hour away from my little hometown just to camp. Not that I have a problem with camping, I love camping. But, that was the extent of our affordability to travel... This is no longer my life. And today, I am so grateful for that. 

Over the last 2 years, my little family of 4 has been to the Philippines twice, we have visited Boracay Island, Puerto Princessa, Kawasan Falls (to mention a few), snorkelled, climbed mountains, explored little villages, canoed through underground rivers, relaxed and enjoyed. We explored the beauty of Singapore. We've been to Perth, relaxed on Rottnest Island and did what the girls love them most, exploring and visiting every Zoo everywhere we go. Zac and I trekked through Vietnam, ate, climbed mountains... again... visited Halong Bay, Da Nang, Marble Mountain and got lost in all the food and tailored clothing in Hoi An, just to mention a few.

I love that we are booked out next year with some amazing adventures for ourselves... Cairns and Townsville, Magnetic Island and everything in between on the Easter school holidays. Exploring waterfalls, snorkelling and of course climbing mountains... Are you seeing a trend here... The girls and Zac love mountain climbing... the girls have googled their names with Mt at the front because they want to climb a mountain named after them... There is Mt Mia, which is close to where we are (yep we are headed there the next free weekend we have). Mt Havanah, well that's in Sir Lanka and it's huge and I don't think we can climb it, but it can definitely be admired by one of those luxurious, glorious mountainside hotels... Yes, Banana wants to go... Pretty sure it's just for the luxurious hotel with her mountain views.

So, back to the travel... We have a wedding in Hawaii in July. And then, the adventure of a lifetime. France and Italy... We all cannot wait! I feel so blessed to have girls that love to travel and don't want fancy cars and big houses when they grow up... They want Brazil (to visit their old Au Pair), see the Greek Islands, go to Canada for Christmas (both are on the planning list as we speak... eeep!). They google islands, and countries to visit... Because life is all about the people in it and the memories you make with the people you love - so they tell me... So they have been listening to me all this time...

I would spend every last cent, to travel the world with my family and enjoy the experiences and memories we are creating together! Hang on a second... that's exactly what we are doing... except for the 'every last cent' part.... but that's a gratitude for another day!

Crazy little thing called Love!

To continue painting the picture of my story, today I am grateful for getting a second chance at this crazy little thing called love.

I remember when my ex and I broke up, I was so sure that I would remain single. Being single these days is a nightmare... You can't just go to the pub, get drunk, and have a convo. You gotta be on 20 different dating apps, be pretty good at photoshopping, talk online for ages and be willing to risk after all that texting before you meet, then when you finally meet you'll just be the next chick this guy is gonna "pork" until the next time he swipes right.  On top of that, I convinced myself - who on earth would want to date a single mum of two kids...

Well, there was one guy out there crazy and stupid enough to give it a good crack... It's one thing to be on a journey of self-discovery, especially when you are fighting your way through your bullshit emotions thinking you have failed...because you failed your marriage. It's another when you start believing in yourself, truly believing in yourself and then poof, this person is there in your life backing you, supporting you, encouraging you... believing in you.

So this crazy, stupid guy did exactly that. I was hesitant, I stalled, I pushed back, but I could never let him go... imagining him not around - just didn't feel right. I was such an asshole, I would only see him once a week and he wasn't allowed to come to my place any earlier than 7pm (on that one day), as the girl's bedtime was 7.30pm. It was just enough time for them to get to know him bit by bit. I wasn't about to be someone who had different men in and out of my life in front of my kids... It took months before I trusted him enough to even meet my girls... Let alone hang out with him all the time...

As all my pieces slowly started to come back together, he waited, he stayed... He didn't push back, he didn't hesitate and he didn't stall. He patiently rode the wave of my utter bullshit, because I was terrified of getting it wrong again... He made me feel beautiful, special, smart... to the point that I actually believed it, I believed deep within myself I was all those things... Holy Shit!! Is this what a real relationship is actually supposed to be like!

Don't get me wrong, he drives me absolutely batshit crazy! And not everything is roses, and that goes for everyone... No relationship is 100% perfect... and if you think yours is 100% perfect all... the... time...girlfriend you are in for a rude shock cause your battle is coming, or you are just totally in a space of denial.

I have seen him at his worst, he has seen me at mine... Believe me, sometimes I wonder how the fuck we are actually still together... But it was through those times where we oddly communicated more, we backed each other and were always there for each other. We don't fight often at all, but we debate all the time... And when we do fight, it's like in the movie 300 - when the vastly outnumbered Spartans attempt to hold off the invading Persian Army... But never, do we ever go to bed angry with each other or still fighting... Every battle ends in peace, is over and never to be had again!

Today, I am so grateful for such an amazing partner, amazing step Dad and literally my best friend!

She's sweet enough already!

To follow on from yesterday's post, today (every day) I am grateful for my youngest daughter...

Oh, Banana, with her big blue eyes, long blonde hair and a sweet smile that could even make the Devil melt... She could also send him deaf due to her incredible communication skills. This kid could talk underwater and could talk about anything.... and just go on and on, and on, and on, and on.... and... on. Your conversations will range from Mermaids, Unicorns, Monsters to some bug she found at school and tried to make a habitat for it.

I am grateful for her tears when you talk about her growing up one day, getting a job and moving out. She sobs at the moving out part - declaring through a flood of tears 'I am never going to leave you Mummy - I am going to live with you forever!'

I am grateful for her cuddles, that instantly melts my heart and soul... Something about her innocence, sweet smile and those loving arms wrapped around you that makes you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

I love that she loves being a girly girl. Unfortunately, anything girly is not my area of expertise. In fact, I suck at the 'girly, everything pink, dainty and pretty' department... I am terrible with makeup - but a master at making you look like a circus clown and my best hairstyle is a ponytail... well kind of a ponytail... it kind of looks like a ponytail... Ok, it is a really, really sad looking ponytail. As a result of her girly-girl antics, I have developed better research skills when it comes to YouTubing hair and makeup tutorials for dummies. However, still suck at makeup!

I am grateful that she looks up to her big sister, wants to be just like her, but different and in a tutu! If Sissy is skateboarding, she'll be out skateboarding too, on her super cute My Little Pony skateboard, rocking her tutu, with bright pink lipstick all over her face.

I am grateful for the absolute excitement on her face and in her voice with every single story she tells, and how excited she gets every afternoon when I come home from work.  She truly is magical!

She will move mountians!

Boy, is she fierce! Every day I am grateful for my eldest daughter.

When I first sat down to write this post, I thought it would be easy... How could it not be, considering you are writing about one of your children right? Every little thing about them you are grateful for, including the tantrums... Oh, I miss the tantrums. Now I get the rolled eyes followed by the silent treatment and then the storming off into her room slamming the door before I can even get a word in. I am left awkwardly saying  'yeah you do that, you go to your room'.

So I sit here, on attempt number 3 - attempting to write down her uniqueness, when I can barely explain it in a conversation over coffee. - it always ends with, you'll understand when you meet her.  She has an amazing personality - fierce, headstrong and independent one minute...cuddly, girly, and vulnerable the next.

Loves mountain climbing, mostly only the end - when you are at the top. Not always a fan of the whole - climbing a bloody mountain to get to the top thing. And, I am pretty sure she lets the whole mountain, neighbourhood... actually Brisbane City know when she has had a gutful of the climb (doesn't happen often). Even though she is cracking the shits, she still moves forward to achieve what she has tasked herself with, which is getting to the top. Would bloody want to get to the top after waking everyone up at 5am on a Sunday morning to go mountain climbing... Most normal people are sleeping in... I secretly wish I was sleeping in, especially when my legs are starting to feel the burn, thanks to the steep as shit mountain Missy and her Step Dad have picked to climb.

I am grateful for her love for everything... Once she loves, she loves deeply... once she commits, she commits 100%. I am grateful that she doesn't do what most of the girls that are her friends do, and they love her for it... Missy Moo is their cool chick friend, the one that has a slider, a mad skateboard collection - who actually skateboards, she is the adventurous one. The one that loves to travel and, at a very young age already appreciates different cultures.

She is so selfless, I wish I could be more like her. I wish that I would put how I feel aside sometimes for the greater good like she does... instead of running my motor mouth like a wanker for half an hour, only to get my voice of reason after I have made an utter dick out of myself for the absolute garbage that filthed out of my mouth.

She makes me want to be a better human to people I wish I didn't have to. The admiration I have for her is amazing, and I am grateful that she looks at me with the same admiring eyes, believing I am the good one...

I am grateful that my daughter is like that quote: 'she's a reflection of me. So you know she's the shit!' There is not a moment in time, where I don't look at her and say to my self - shit I am lucky... so lucky to have such a beautiful daughter...inside and out! There is not a day that goes by, where I don't try to show her and her sister to always strive to be better, better than no one else but yourself. There is not a day that goes by that I don't practice what I preach to her - I strive every day, to be a better version of myself - all because of her...

Marriage, Kids... and The Ex!

Today I am grateful for my Ex... oh yes I did! I totally went there! You're probably thinking that I have completely lost the plot right now... and am headed straight for crazy town. Believe me, sometimes I feel like I am headed for there too. Or, that I have geared up my luscious lips with Chanel 60 - Rouge Troublant (if you don't know what this is... it's a shit hot red) lipstick in preparation of some serious ass kissing. But this isn't what is happening here... because it ain't no Chanel, it's a 2 dollar shop lippy in red... Jokes!

I have many reasons to be grateful for my Ex. We have some great memories we shared together, we also have some pretty shit ass ones too. We had a beautiful wedding... I looked shit hot by the way... we shared that memory with some of our closest friends and family some still with us, some, unfortunately, are not.

We shared many years together, happy, as you naturally do in a long-term relationship... and then a few, definitely not so happy... and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have the two most amazing little girls aged 6 & 9, both going on  27. Believe me, those girls are definitely something for me to brag about, appreciate and constantly learn from... They inspire me to always strive to be a better version of myself... but I will get to them in a separate post.

I am grateful for my Ex, not only because of obvious things (my two babies) but because of who I have grown into today, with our turbulent (especially the end) relationship playing its contribution.  Now, I am not going to go into the nitty-gritty and the, he said she said bullshit for our failed relationship. But, what I will say and what I know is at the time we were Mr & Mrs right for each other, that we grew over time as individuals...not together, and have both moved on into the relationships we need to be/deserve to be in. I recently stumbled across a quote (unsure of the author) that puts my statement into prospective... it stated:

I think that this works both ways, that there is a lot of truth to this, but most importantly for me... I think the last part needs to change to... for herself.  How awesome does that sound: "sometimes a man's purpose is a woman's life is to help her become a better woman... for herself' If my limits were not tested... if the things that happened between us didn't... I probably would be spending my life, limiting my capabilities and strengths and doing the same old shit that most people do - growing up in a 'little' town.

I got out, I believed, I grew, I learnt to love myself and spent my time making me happy (and obviously my kids)... I stopped focusing my happiness on making someone else happy. I am stronger, happier and more successful in every way and the relationship with my Ex and the ending contributed to giving me that much-needed nudge. Maybe it was more like a push, like - bitch get up...live a little... for yo'self!

When I look at my life now, what I have achieved - in such a short period of time, what Zac (I'll get to my Fiance's appreciate post later too) provide for the girls, I can't help but be grateful for the Ex! I wouldn't have my awesome job, life and my awesome Zac if my Ex was till my Mr... Let's be honest here, sometimes it's really fucking hard to be grateful for my Ex. But hey, this is a 365-day gratitude blog, to cleanse the soul and inspire... not a hard to be grateful sometimes 'cause some people drive you batshit crazy blog.

Hold on to your panties, shit is about to get real!

The Beginning!

I am not the first and definitely will not be the last person to start a project like this.

But, shit has semi hit the fan and I have allowed too much crap seep its way into my happy soul... Time for a cleanse, and what better way to cleanse the soul than to express gratitude for all the shit you currently have in your life. 

Soul cleansing is probably one of the best things we could do for ourselves. It is next to impossible, unless you are his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, to be 100% grateful of absolutely everything in our lives.  It is also impossible for our Shit Radar to be running at 100% capacity, 24 hours a day 7 days a week, blocking all the negative crap trying to find a way in. Sometimes, things get the better of us, some big, some small... either way at some point, you are fine and the next you are having a mental breakdown like a two year old  throwing themselves on the ground at the grocery store over tomato sauce. 

Unfortunately today's society is hungry for drama and what's even more unfortunate, is the drama... is... so... ACCESSIBLE.  Gone are the days where we obtained our drama quick fix via the TV show 'The Days of Our Lives'. With the world of drama, real drama, at our finger tips thanks to social media - we are officially living in a stalker's haven.  We now have the ability to search for that mean cow in grade 8, click, spy and try to provide ourselves a false sense of satisfaction that our lives are better than theirs. To try and give yourself that 'Suck it mole! I am living the dream' moment. - If you are doing this, girlfriend, I got you, but please stop!

So back to the gratitude hey... in an attempt to stop the negative invading my thoughts like the Aliens did in Independence Day - I have decided to hold myself accountable for my little project. I am going to be totally unoriginal (I researched, there is a million of us) and document and share it with those peeps who are keen for a laugh, something real, or possibly doing the same thing. 

I can't guarantee I will have a sense of humor daily, but I can guarantee that this will be as real as real can get - 365 days of real.  I also can't promise that there won't be a post one day only saying 'Today I am grateful for waking up'  because on that day, I am chucking a tantrum like a 2 year old, throwing myself around the grocery store isle over chocolate... that I can't have...

So, what I am grateful for today? I am grateful for actually doing this... actually documenting what I am grateful for. I have a lot of shit in my life I am grateful for, and your bucket full of grateful shit could never, EVER be big enough... it should always be expanding. So, I am expanding away...